Invasive Restaurant Franchise Spreads To Third State

Top Headlines


Listerine Introduces New Mouth Styling Gel

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—Announcing that consumers no longer need to settle for plain, drab dental features, Johnson & Johnson unveiled its new line of Listerine mouth styling gels Wednesday.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage



  • Doctors Recommend Getting 8 Centuries Of Cryosleep

    STANFORD, CA—Claiming that the practice is essential for effectively recharging the body and waking fully rested and alert, doctors at Stanford University issued a report Monday emphasizing the importance of getting at least eight centuries of atomi...

Invasive Restaurant Franchise Spreads To Third State

WASHINGTON—Noting that it had already disrupted several natural communities in Kansas and Iowa, officials from the Bureau of Consumer Protection revealed Tuesday that Bonito’s, a highly invasive strain of casual dining restaurant, had recently been spotted in parts of eastern Nebraska. “Though native to certain Mid-Atlantic states, this rapidly multiplying franchise poses a grave threat to the existing diversity of budget-friendly family dining options throughout the central United States, and if left unchecked could have a lasting, adverse impact on local fast-food chains,” said BCP spokesperson Erica Wilcox, adding that the non-native lunch and dinner establishment could be identified by its large size, bright red-and-orange brand coloring, and its distinctive Tex-Mex spin on traditional American fare. “We are working hard to contain this outbreak to the affected area around exit 451 to ensure this culinary menace does not spread any further west to vulnerable locations such as Elkhorn or the Oak View Mall. Let me be clear: With its formidable entrée selection and its Dollar Loco Menu, this fast-casual southwestern grill has the potential to overrun dozens of indigenous restaurants across the I-80 corridor.” Wilcox added that her agency might have no choice but to unleash a larger predatory franchise into the area, such as Chipotle or Panera Bread, in order to drive the invasive eatery out of the region for good.

Next Story