Brad Pitt Scampers Away From Script After Detecting Musk Of Chris Pine On Pages

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Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Leonardo DiCaprio Agrees To Donate It-Factor To Science

LOS ANGELES—Saying the gift would immeasurably improve their understanding of the ineffable quality that makes certain big-screen stars positively radiate, researchers at the University of California Los Angeles announced Tuesday that A-list actor Leonardo DiCaprio has agreed to donate his it-factor to science.

Nation Delighted As Many Famous People In Same Room Together

HOLLYWOOD—Expressing their immense personal satisfaction at the gathering appearing on their television screens, millions of Americans across the country were reportedly delighted Sunday night upon seeing many famous people in the same room together...

Highlights Of George Clooney’s Wedding

Last weekend saw the marriage of superstar actor and perennial candidate for Hollywood’s most eligible bachelor George Clooney to human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin in a lavish, star-studded affair in Venice.

Ugly Custody Battle Over Ian McKellen Narrowly Avoided

EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Following Scotland’s referendum Thursday rejecting independence from the United Kingdom, sources confirmed that a protracted and ugly custody battle over celebrated actor Sir Ian McKellen had been narrowly avoided.
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Brad Pitt Scampers Away From Script After Detecting Musk Of Chris Pine On Pages

LOS ANGELES—Hollywood leading man Brad Pitt hissed and skittered away into the safety of the woods surrounding his house Friday after reading a screenplay from his agent and detecting the musk of fellow actor Chris Pine on its pages, numerous sources reported. Witnesses confirmed that upon receiving the 158-page draft of a Civil War drama during a meeting at his home, Pitt began furiously sniffing up and down the binding and back cover in search of any scent markings, eventually detecting Pine’s pheromones while flipping through the second scene. After his eyes widened and his ears pricked back, the 51-year-old actor reportedly bolted away from the script, exiting through a back door at full speed and disappearing into the underbrush. Those present said that after an exhaustive search, an assistant with a flashlight found the whimpering Golden Globe winner hiding under a neighbor’s porch, covered in dirt and shrinking back from anyone who attempted to approach him. At press time, Pitt’s agent was seen frantically attempting to coax the actor out with an option contract for a Chuck Palahniuk novel, only to be urinated on in response.