adBlockCheck

celebrities

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Leonardo DiCaprio Agrees To Donate It-Factor To Science

LOS ANGELES—Saying the gift would immeasurably improve their understanding of the ineffable quality that makes certain big-screen stars positively radiate, researchers at the University of California Los Angeles announced Tuesday that A-list actor Leonardo DiCaprio has agreed to donate his it-factor to science.
End Of Section
  • More News

Cameron Diaz Finally Opens Up About Generally Positive Experience In Show Business

LOS ANGELES—Revealing for the first time how everything went pretty much according to plan, Cameron Diaz finally opened up in a wide-ranging interview Monday about her more or less positive show business experience. “After more than two decades in Hollywood, it’s good to get this off my chest: my life as an actress has basically progressed the way I always hoped it would, with a steady stream of roles that have fulfilled me both creatively and professionally,” said Diaz, who reportedly decided that the time had come to speak candidly about the close relationships with friends and family that sustain her when she’s not jetting around the world to shoot roles in blockbuster films that will pay her millions. “Sure, there’s the public Cameron Diaz who seems so happy—and very much is—but then there’s the off-camera Cameron Diaz, the grounded one with enough perspective to make time for numerous other hobbies and interests apart from the entertainment industry. It’s been a smooth ride pretty much from day one, so I’m hoping people can benefit from my story and make the exact same decisions I did.” Diaz went on to say that even under the same highly agreeable circumstances, she would definitely do it all again.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close