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Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Most Popular Young Adult Fiction Books

The “YA novel” has become an increasingly respected literary genre, entertaining teens and adults alike. The Onion walks you through some of the bestselling and most beloved young adult titles:

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

Father Teaches Son How To Shave Him

ST. CLOUD, MN—Judging him old enough to learn the time-honored family tradition passed down from father to son, local man William Dalton, 47, taught his 12-year-old child, David, how to properly shave him, sources reported Friday.
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Gap Debuts New Line Of Children’s Sweaters To Clutch To Chest When Son Goes Missing

SAN FRANCISCO—Calling it the “utmost in style and comfort for an ordeal no parent should ever have to go through,” The Gap unveiled Wednesday its new Hope Against Hope collection of sweaters designed to be held tightly to the chest when one’s son has gone missing. “This sweater is perfect for anxiously clutching while you try to quiet the thoughts that have been racing nonstop through your mind since you got the call two weeks ago that your son didn’t show up for school,” said the company’s director of marketing Sandra Ostrov, adding that the sweater ranged from extra-small to “huskier” sizes to accommodate any boy who remains unreachable despite literally hundreds of calls placed by his terrified parents to his cell phone. “You’ll love the softness of 100 percent merino wool as you drop to your knees, hold the sweater close to your tear-streaked face, and rock back and forth repeating his name, hoping to God to wake up from this nightmare.” Ostrov went on to say that at just $24.99, the sweaters are affordable enough for parents with two sons who disappeared last month on a hiking trip.

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