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20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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Parent Now Just Typing 4-Year-Old Child’s Every Word Verbatim Throughout Day As Facebook Post

GRAND BLANC, MI—In updates that reportedly were becoming both increasingly frequent and less interesting with every new addition, local woman Kate Morris was now just typing her 4-year-old child’s every word verbatim throughout the day as Facebook posts, sources said Thursday. “I’m hungry. Can I have a snack?” wrote Morris, who had already spent several hours of her afternoon directly transcribing her child’s every passing thought and nonsensical whim exactly as she uttered them approximately every 8-14 seconds. “Can I have some apple juice now? No, milk! No, apple juice! Noooooooo! Not in that cup! I want my Spider-Man cup. Mommy, look at me now, I’m a ghost! Mommy look! Look Mommy!’” At press time, sources reported that Morris had spent the last half hour posting nothing but “Waaaaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaah!” as she struggled to put her daughter down for her midday nap.

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