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Father Teaches Son How To Shave Him

ST. CLOUD, MN—Judging him old enough to learn the time-honored family tradition passed down from father to son, local man William Dalton, 47, taught his 12-year-old child, David, how to properly shave him, sources reported Friday.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

How Restaurants Are Making Children’s Meals Healthier

Due to high-profile exposure like the “Happy Meals bill,” which seeks to market less fattening meals to children, many restaurants across the country are trying to make their kids menus healthier and combat childhood obesity. Here are some ways they are tackling the issue:
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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault. “Clearly, something doesn’t add up about that kid, but I can’t quite put my finger on it,” said Salt Lake City resident Bethany Robbins, one of the hundreds of millions of Americans made uncomfortable by the combination of the boy’s bowl haircut, unnaturally erect posture, and unflinching stare. “Maybe it’s the strange tone of his voice? Or the way he swings his hands when he walks? Like, just a little too much. Whatever’s going on, it’s simply not normal.” Reached for comment, Nault reportedly narrowed his eyes and smiled slowly using only one side of his mouth.

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How Restaurants Are Making Children’s Meals Healthier

Due to high-profile exposure like the “Happy Meals bill,” which seeks to market less fattening meals to children, many restaurants across the country are trying to make their kids menus healthier and combat childhood obesity. Here are some ways they are tackling the issue:

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