Clinton Finally Takes Responsibility For Bush Administration's Failures

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Work Begins On Clinton Presidential DVD Library

LITTLE ROCK, AR—The William Jefferson Clinton Presidential DVD Library is currently under construction, with the opening celebration scheduled to take place Nov. 14, the former president said Tuesday.

African Leaders Still Treating Clinton As President

NAIROBI, KENYA—Kenyan President Emilio Mwai Kibaki said Monday that his country continues to enjoy excellent diplomatic relations with former U.S. President Bill Clinton. "I have always enjoyed working with Mr. Clinton, and the recent international Agricultural Development Conference was no exception," Kibaki said. "And I know that [Democratic Republic of the Congo President] Joseph Kabila enjoyed meeting with him to secure an American commitment for humanitarian aid, as well." Kibaki said that none of the leaders have anything in particular against President Bush, but added that all the same, they'd rather stick with Clinton.

Limbaugh Says Drug Addiction A Remnant Of Clinton Administration

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Frankly discussing his addiction to painkillers, conservative talk-show host Rush Limbaugh told his radio audience Monday that his abuse of OxyContin was a "remnant of the anything-goes ideology of the Clinton Administration." "Friends, all I can say is 'I told you so,'" said Limbaugh, from an undisclosed drug-treatment facility. "Were it not for Bill Clinton's loose policies on drug offenders and his rampant immorality, I would not have found myself in this predicament." Limbaugh added that he's staying at a rehab center created by the tax-and-spend liberals.

Clinton Dragged Up On Stage To Sing 'Sweet Home Alabama' With The Band

LITTLE ROCK, AR— Former president Bill Clinton joined local rock band Jimmy Ellis & The Houserockers onstage for a cover of Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama" Saturday. "Come on up here, Mr. President!" Ellis urged Clinton, whom he spotted near the back of the crowd. "Show the nice folks how it's done!" Following the performance, Clinton remained onstage for a rollicking rendition of Garth Brooks' "Friends In Low Places."

Gore Upset That Clinton Doesn't Call Anymore

NEW YORK–Six months after leaving Washington, a despondent Al Gore expressed frustration and sadness Monday that Bill Clinton no longer calls or makes an effort to maintain their once-close friendship.

Report: Clinton Accepted Rebate While In Office Depot

WASHINGTON, DC–According to a report in Monday's Washington Post, on Jan. 14, Bill Clinton accepted a $60 rebate on an O'Sullivan office workcenter while in Office Depot. "In his final days as president, Mr. Clinton knowingly took money as an enticement to purchase a $300 desk, leveraging his status as a valued customer of Office Depot for personal gain," the report stated. "The sales associate who orchestrated the deal, Marc Ryback, has a history of dealings with the president dating back to a November 1995 photocopier-for-cash exchange." Said a spokesman for the former president: "Mr. Clinton regrets any wrongdoing that may have occurred."
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