How Colleges Can Protect Students From Assault

Top Headlines


The Pros And Cons Of For-Profit Colleges

With studies showing that for-profit college degrees create more debt and no more added value for students, many are questioning the merits of these institutions. Here are the pros and cons of for-profit colleges

The Pros And Cons Of Taking A Gap Year

Malia Obama will wait a year between graduating high school and attending Harvard in 2017, in what is becoming a rising trend among American students. Here are the pros and cons of taking a gap year:

The Pros And Cons Of Attending College

A four-year degree can open doors to a bright future, though many people don’t think it will benefit their career path. Here are some pros and cons of attending college.

5 Months Of College Research Outweighed By Weekend Visiting Friend At Penn State

HAGERSTOWN, MD—Noting that the large public university had suddenly emerged as the high school student’s top choice for the fall, sources confirmed Wednesday that a single weekend spent with a friend who attends Penn State completely superseded all of graduating senior Tyler Pince’s college research over the past five months.

Tips For Successful Campus Activism

With protests effecting change at colleges and universities across the country, many students are looking to follow the example and bring awareness to causes of their own. Here are The Onion’s tips for successful campus activism

Budget-Conscious Obamas Strongly Pushing Malia Toward UDC Community College

WASHINGTON—Repeatedly emphasizing the benefits of completing her core requirements at a fraction of the cost of a four-year school, President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama continued their efforts this week to persuade their 17-year-old daughter, Malia, to attend the University of the District of Columbia Community College.

SAT Prep Tips

The first SAT test of the new school year takes place November 7, and students’ scores will determine which colleges will take their applications seriously. Here are some tips for acing the SAT and getting into the college of your dreams
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

How Colleges Can Protect Students From Assault

Several high-profile assault cases on college campuses are leading many schools to address how they prevent and respond to them. Here are some ways universities can protect students from assault:

  • Create a safe system in which students can freely report any non-varsity-athlete attackers to campus authorities
  • Installation of a 24-hour hotline for anyone with information on what the victim was wearing that night
  • Formulating a written action plan that outlines exactly how the school will deflect reports of assault
  • Ask all prospective students to thoroughly explicate the word “no” on their applications
  • TKE’s blacklight rush party to be attended by at least one Title IX attorney
  • Grievance panels to carefully assess all the facts from both victim and assailant to determine whose family is the bigger donor
  • Lengthen orientation-week skits about alcohol tolerance and party safety from 15 minutes to a full 25
  • Provide everyone on campus, both students and faculty, with a clear definition of behaviors that constitute boys just being boys
  • Allegations to be immediately reviewed by a dedicated team of internet commenters

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close