NEW HAVEN, CT—A new report released Wednesday by a privately funded think tank revealed that local receptionist Amanda Berley, 31, has the best friends in the whole world. The report, which compared Berley's friends to a wide sampling of similar gr...
MONESSEN, PA—Recreational cyclist Ethan Coseglia, 38, thoroughly explained the benefits of wearing $35 bike-riding socks to his friend Kevin Washburn Friday, saying that his specially designed socks are essential in optimizing his overall cycling performance.
ATLANTA—"It's like everything had shifted," Eric Phipps said. "All of a sudden, I was stopping by his cubicle to ask about his woodworking project, and he was at mine giving me the name of a good chiropractor my sister should try for her back spasms. Then somehow I suddenly had his personal e-mail address."
SANTA MONICA, CA—According to waiter and aspiring writer Ian Shortridge, his friend Dan Stavers has only one piece of advice: "Get TiVo." "You could program a Season Pass so that you never miss the business report," Stavers said, after Shortridge complained that he couldn't get a mortgage. "I'm telling you, TiVo will change your life. Hey, I was right about the iPod, wasn't I?" Since purchasing a digital-video recorder in 2002, Stavers has urged Shortridge to buy one so he can "spend more time writing instead of sitting through all those commercials," "tape some fitness shows and find out how to get in shape," and "catch some funny movies" to help him get over his father's death.
JEFFERSON CITY, MOCollege chum Steve Maeske is apparently too busy to give his buddy Phil a quick ring, sources reported Monday. "Phil, honestly, you know I'd love to go out to help you celebrate your birthday," said Maeske, who's been like a ghost ever since he married that Veronica woman. "It's just that, with work and the new baby, I don't have a spare minute. Come on, you can understand, can't you?" Sources close to Maeske don't see why he can't go out for one damn beer.
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox
8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC
Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!
ORLANDO, FL—Leaving no trace of his attendance at the industry conference, American Academy of Periodontology Annual Convention attendee Bill Hancock reportedly removed his name tag Thursday and instantly vanished back into the world of anonymous Hilton Orlando guests.
OAK PARK, IL—Swiftly regaining his composure after initially jumping at the sight of flames erupting from the cocktail glass, local bartender Nick Brower confirmed Thursday that he was just going to pretend he had every intention of serving that last drink on fire.
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Goofy Guy Named Gary Enlivens Otherwise Intolerable Wedding Reception