adBlockCheck

computers

NSA: ‘Can Somebody Good At Computers Help Us?’

FORT MEADE, MD—Explaining that things weren’t working right and he didn’t know why, visibly frustrated National Security Agency director Michael S. Rogers called a press conference Thursday afternoon to ask if somebody good at computers could help out the intelligence organization.

World Begins Another Day At Mercy Of 19-Year-Old Estonian Hacker

TALLINN, ESTONIA—With the private data of national governments and entire global industries at his fingertips, sources confirmed this morning that yet another day had begun with the whole world helplessly at the mercy of 19-year-old Estonian computer hacker Jüri Pevkur.

Keeping Your Child Safe Online

Polls indicate that 95 percent of teenagers are online, while a growing number of young children now have access to internet-capable cell phones and devices.

Tips For Troubleshooting Your Computer

Even the most experienced user can run into error messages, software crashes, hardware malfunctions, and other issues with their computer. Here are some tips for keeping your machine running smoothly

Total Nerd Actually Owns His Own Computer

PROVIDENCE, RI—Matthew Jorgensen, a complete and total nerd who sources speculate likely has no tangible social life, actually both owns and regularly uses his own personal computer, reports from those with knowledge of Jorgensen’s geeky hobby...

OS X Snow Leopard vs. Windows 7

Microsoft announced it will be releasing a new edition of its operating software, called Windows 7, while Apple is working on its new OS X Snow...
End Of Section
  • More News

computers

Accidentally Closing Browser Window With 23 Tabs Open Presents Rare Chance At New Life

BROOKLYN, NY—Staring in trembling awe at her suddenly blank desktop, local woman Chelsea Greene was reportedly presented a rare chance at a new life Tuesday after accidentally closing her browser window with 23 open tabs. “Oh, my God. I’m free,” said a stunned and wide-eyed Greene, fully realizing that the abrupt disappearance of the Firefox window displaying tabs from Facebook, Reddit, CNN, OkCupid, Gmail, and 18 other websites would allow her to venture in a completely fresh direction and never look back. “Everything is going to be different from this point on. I can be anyone I want to be—I have a blank slate. Life truly begins right now.” According to sources, Greene moments later clicked “Restore Previous Session” in a brand-new browser window.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close