Eating Locally

The locavore movement—in which people eat food produced near their home to reduce their carbon footprint—is getting more and more popular. Here are some ways you can do more to eat locally.

Cooking For Large Groups

As the warmer weather approaches, many people will open their houses to larger dinner parties. Here are some ways to take the sting out of cooking for a large group of people.

Man At Very Top Of Food Chain Chooses Bugles

SOUTH BEND, IN—Despite having no natural enemies and belonging to a species that completely dominates its ecosystem, local IT manager Reggie Atkinson opted to consume the processed corn snack Bugles Monday.

FDA Approves Salmonella

WASHINGTON—Executives at Hellmann's welcomed the news by announcing an entire line of lukewarm, sun-soaked, and partially turned mayonnaises.

Nation Instinctively Forms Breadline

NEW YORK— "What's happening here?" said a California resident after seeing a group of bankers leaning against a broken-down jalopy, their feet muddied and bare.
End Of Section
  • More News


How To Make Cooking At Home Less Stressful

  • Let your kids know upfront that 7:30 is a soft deadline for dinner.

  • To avoid extra trips to the store, keep your pantry stocked with staples like olive oil, flour, salt, soy sauce, saffron, pepper flakes, Iberico ham, an airtight canister of white truffles, and a coop full of Cornish game hens.

  • Perform regular checks on your lazy Susan to ensure its gears remain properly greased.

  • Make sure to sort out all marital issues in advance so that lingering resentments don’t get channeled into a blowup over how long to cook the roast.

  • Refrain from letting the children choose Christian names for the lambs.

  • Reduce your cooking stress by getting $30 off your first delivery with Blue Apron.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.