Woman Has No Business Being An Extrovert

SAN ANTONIO, TX—Explaining that the character trait does not seem to suit her well, acquaintances of local woman Mary Randolph told reporters Wednesday that the 32-year-old accountant really has no business being an extrovert.

Coworkers Currently Gchatting About You

YOUR OFFICE—Although they are reportedly attempting to appear busy by typing rapidly and leaning in toward their computer screens, sources confirmed that your coworkers are, in fact, Gchatting about you at this very moment.

Attractive Woman Surprised To Learn Coworker A Dick

LAWRENCEVILLE, PA—Noting with some degree of confusion that “he’s always really sweet to [her],” attractive Kolfax Group sales associate Leslie Shiller admitted Thursday she was surprised to learn account manager Eric Cryan is wide...

Intern Strikes Up Friendship With Least-Respected Employee

DENVER—After starting at the company just three weeks ago, 22-year-old Wenger Marketing intern Allison Bennett told reporters Thursday that she has already befriended 36-year-old digital content coordinator Mike Fryer, the least-respected employee i...
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Shamefaced Man Stands Stock-Still As Acquaintance Zips Up Backpack For Him

MEDFORD, OR—Overcome with humiliation after being stopped on his way out of the office and informed his backpack was wide open, local billing specialist Dennis Lee, 30, reportedly stood stock-still Friday as coworker Mike Faziola zipped the bag up for him. “Oh, hold on, your backpack’s open. Let me get that,” said Faziola, as Lee—standing in full view of numerous colleagues—gritted his teeth, bent his knees slightly, and squeezed his shoulder straps tightly in his fists while he waited for the act to be over. “There you go. Don’t want your stuff falling out onto the street.” Sources confirmed that Lee’s few remaining shreds of self-respect were then swept away when, without any warning, Faziola grabbed the shame-ridden man’s sweatshirt hood, which had gotten twisted and bunched up underneath his backpack, and straightened it out for him.

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