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Report: Tiger That Mauled Roy Horn Still Struggling To Find Work

LAS VEGAS—Fearing the regrettable incident from his past would continue to follow him for the rest of his life, white Bengal tiger Montecore confirmed Friday he was still struggling to find work after mauling magician Roy Horn during a show at the Mirage casino in 2003.
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Man Who Stood And Watched Robbery Acted On Pure Instinct

COLUMBUS, OH—Saying he didn’t even have a moment to consider his decision, local man Stephen Ashbury acknowledged to reporters Wednesday that he acted on pure instinct when he stood and watched a robbery occur. “The adrenaline just took over the second I saw his gun, and suddenly I found myself standing there not moving a muscle,” said Ashbury, explaining that seemingly no time elapsed between him noticing someone was in danger and doing absolutely nothing while the assailant made off with the elderly victim’s handbag and necklace. “Honestly, I really can’t even take credit for what I did—I just saw an old woman in trouble and then kind of automatically slipped into a completely useless paralysis. I guess you never know what you’re capable of until that moment arrives.” Ashbury went on to say he was glad he reacted so quickly because if he had time to think, he just might have helped out.

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