FBI Releases List Of Criminals It In No Particular Rush To Track Down

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Neighborhood Busybody Reports Sound Of Gunshots

INDIANAPOLIS—Once again sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong, neighborhood busybody Sally Christensen, 54, reportedly took it upon herself to report the sound of gunshots to law enforcement early Tuesday morning, sources confirmed.
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FBI Releases List Of Criminals It In No Particular Rush To Track Down

WASHINGTON—Saying that the capture of these lawbreakers was desirable but honestly not the most urgent matter in the world, the FBI released a list of 10 criminals Monday that it is in no particular rush to track down. “We certainly hope to apprehend these individuals eventually, once we’ve got some of the really awful fugitives behind bars,” said FBI director James Comey of the list, which contains criminals wanted for “serious but not quite earth-shattering” felonies such as burglary, aggravated assault, and motor vehicle theft. “While many have been at large for some time now—and it hasn’t exactly been the end of the world—there’s certainly no harm in enlisting the public’s help in bringing them to justice.” Comey added that anyone who provided information leading to the arrest of persons on the list would earn the gratitude of law enforcement but no financial reward at this time.

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