Juror Way Too Far Into Trial To Ask What 'Contusions' Are Now

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Crime & Justice

City Opens New Art Jail

SAN FRANCISCO—City officials announced the opening of a new maximum-security art jail Tuesday, unveiling a modern detention facility designed to imprison a large population of high-profile paintings and sculptures. The brightly lit four-story struct...

Pickup Truck Stoled

LOGANSPORT, IN—Police said this ain’t the first time by a long shot a truck been stoled round these parts past few months.   In July, Doug Hensley had his half-ton dually took from the Hardee’s parking lot, even though he weren’t in there but for 15 minutes.

Lone Gunman Envied By Married Gunman

LOS ANGELES—"Running around firing indiscriminately into a crowd—now that's someone who doesn't have to wake up and go furniture shopping tomorrow," said Henderson.

Unsolved Hip-Hop Crimes

Now that a suspect has finally been named in the 2002 killing of Jam Master Jay, police have turned their attention to other unsolved hip-hop...

CEO Spends 30 Percent Of Earnings Staying Out Of Jail

NEW YORK—Bellcroft Industries CEO Robert M. Burdick said Monday that he spends up to 30 percent of his $2.4 million salary keeping himself out of jail. "Accountants who can hide illegal profits and lawyers who know how to set up off-shore companies don't come cheap," Burdick said. "My recent 20 percent raise isn't that great when you consider how many people I have to pay to keep me out of prison." In addition to losing 30 percent off the top each year, Burdick spends 5 percent of his income on taxes.

Local Sheriff Suspects Al-Qaeda Or Teens

BARABOO, WI—Sauk County Sheriff Virgil "Butch" Steinhorst announced Tuesday that he believes a recent rash of Baraboo-area crimes was perpetrated by the al-Qaeda terrorist network or teenagers.

Perhaps I've Been A Little Too Tough On Crime

As district attorney of Grand Rapids, I've got a lot of responsibility. This job keeps me running day and night. But with all the prosecuting and sentencing I've been doing lately, I've started to think that maybe I've been a little tough on crime.
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Special Coverage


Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year.


  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Juror Way Too Far Into Trial To Ask What 'Contusions' Are Now

RESTON, VA—Noting that attorneys on either side had used the term dozens of times during the previous two weeks, juror Michael Kerr told reporters Monday that he was too far into a capital trial at this point to ask what “contusions” are. “When the prosecutor first brought it up, I thought I could just ignore it and hope it wouldn’t come up again, but then they called in a medical expert who said it a whole bunch of times,” Kerr said after the witness delivered testimony on the victim’s numerous contusions, which he surmised could refer to strands of hair, bones, or another part of the body, but could be something different altogether. “I’ve been looking at people’s faces whenever contusions come up, and I can tell by their expression that it’s something bad, but that’s the only clue I’ve got. The next time they say it I’m probably just going to nod.” Kerr said he planned to look up the term as soon as he got home after voting for a guilty verdict.