Crime & Justice

City Opens New Art Jail

SAN FRANCISCO—City officials announced the opening of a new maximum-security art jail Tuesday, unveiling a modern detention facility designed to imprison a large population of high-profile paintings and sculptures. The brightly lit four-story struct...

Pickup Truck Stoled

LOGANSPORT, IN—Police said this ain’t the first time by a long shot a truck been stoled round these parts past few months.   In July, Doug Hensley had his half-ton dually took from the Hardee’s parking lot, even though he weren’t in there but for 15 minutes.

Lone Gunman Envied By Married Gunman

LOS ANGELES—"Running around firing indiscriminately into a crowd—now that's someone who doesn't have to wake up and go furniture shopping tomorrow," said Henderson.

Unsolved Hip-Hop Crimes

Now that a suspect has finally been named in the 2002 killing of Jam Master Jay, police have turned their attention to other unsolved hip-hop...

CEO Spends 30 Percent Of Earnings Staying Out Of Jail

NEW YORK—Bellcroft Industries CEO Robert M. Burdick said Monday that he spends up to 30 percent of his $2.4 million salary keeping himself out of jail. "Accountants who can hide illegal profits and lawyers who know how to set up off-shore companies don't come cheap," Burdick said. "My recent 20 percent raise isn't that great when you consider how many people I have to pay to keep me out of prison." In addition to losing 30 percent off the top each year, Burdick spends 5 percent of his income on taxes.

Local Sheriff Suspects Al-Qaeda Or Teens

BARABOO, WI—Sauk County Sheriff Virgil "Butch" Steinhorst announced Tuesday that he believes a recent rash of Baraboo-area crimes was perpetrated by the al-Qaeda terrorist network or teenagers.

Perhaps I've Been A Little Too Tough On Crime

As district attorney of Grand Rapids, I've got a lot of responsibility. This job keeps me running day and night. But with all the prosecuting and sentencing I've been doing lately, I've started to think that maybe I've been a little tough on crime.
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Jury Finds Man Guilty Of Murdering Wife And Children, But Gets It

KNOXVILLE, TN—Reaching a verdict Thursday after several hours of deliberation, a Knox County Circuit Court jury reportedly found a defendant in a homicide trial guilty of murdering his wife and children, but admitted they get it. “After carefully weighing all the evidence in this case, we find the defendant guilty on all counts, but it’s not like we don’t see where he was coming from,” said foreperson Franklin Cault, admitting that while there was no doubt the suspect committed a terrible crime and deserves a life sentence, the killing of his wife, 10-year-old son, and 8-year-old daughter sort of makes sense, all things considered. “The evidence is overwhelmingly clear that these killings were premeditated, we’re not arguing with that—but, you know, given the circumstances, it’s pretty understandable. We certainly condemn his horrific actions, however, we’re not going to sit here and act like we wouldn’t have done the same thing if we were in his shoes.” The judge then reportedly issued a mandatory life sentence without parole even though he acknowledged the defendant’s family probably “had it coming.”

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