Area Man Excited To Hear Girlfriend Has Been Doing A Lot Of Thinking

‘She Must Have Come Up With A Really Great Idea,’ Says Man

ELMHURST, IL—Barely able to contain his enthusiasm for whatever they would be talking about later on, area man Marc Kahan was reportedly excited to hear that his girlfriend has been doing a lot of thinking, saying Thursday that she must have come up with a really great idea.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users
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New App Sends Dating Profile Straight To Friends, Coworkers To Laugh At Without Ever Connecting Users To Each Other

PALO ALTO, CA—Utilizing personal contact information to create a uniquely demeaning interactive experience, a new app unveiled Friday reportedly sends dating profiles straight to friends and coworkers to mock without ever connecting users to each other. “We are proud to debut Humiliatr, a one-of-a-kind dating app that allows you to fill out a comprehensive profile that is then sent directly to most of the people you know, specifically so they can ridicule it,” said the app’s lead developer, Phillip Duncan, explaining that the software seamlessly emails the user’s obviously unrepresentative photos and pathetic biographical statements to confidants and casual acquaintances alike, providing them with an opportunity for a good laugh without enabling the user to actually meet a potential romantic partner. “Everyone in your social circle, including people who have met you only a few times or know you entirely through social media, will get full access to your utterly mortifying list of musical tastes, favorite quotes, and hobbies. We also send notifications to your contacts whenever you update your profile, so they can stay informed while cackling at your pitiful attempts to increase your match potential.” Duncan later confirmed that the app will also pull information from any existing online dating profiles and send it out without the user’s knowledge or consent.

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