Measles Epidemic 2015: A Timeline Of The Outbreak

Health officials recently announced that an outbreak of measles they believe originated in Disneyland last December has now spread to multiple states, and experts have linked the epidemic to the growing anti-vaccination movement among parents.

Diphtheria Excited About Possibility Of New Outbreak

LOS ANGELES—Following a flare-up of measles in California and reports of new cases across several western states this week, the disease diphtheria told reporters Thursday that it was excited about the possibility of a new outbreak in America.

Tracking Ebola In The U.S.

With eight confirmed cases of the highly fatal Ebola virus in the U.S. and revelations that health care workers potentially exposed to it have traveled on passenger flights and cruise ships, fears that the disease will spread across the country have grown...

What You Need To Know About Ebola

Following the death of the first person diagnosed with Ebola in the United States, concerns about the deadly hemorrhagic virus are running high throughout the country.

How To Protect Yourself Against Ebola

This week saw the first confirmed case of Ebola virus within the United States, the latest development in an outbreak that has already claimed over 3,000 lives.

Experts: Ebola Vaccine At Least 50 White People Away

CONAKRY, GUINEA—With the death toll in West Africa continuing to rise amid a new outbreak of the Ebola virus, leading medical experts announced Wednesday that a vaccine for the deadly disease is still at least 50 white people from being developed.

Hypochondriac Convinced Patient Has Cancer

BRIDGEPORT, CT—During a regularly scheduled appointment at St. Vincent’s Medical Center this afternoon, sources confirmed that after glancing at medical data for only a few moments, local hypochondriac Stephen Parsons became obsessively convin...

Real-Life Nancy Drew Traces Source Of Her HPV

CHARLOTTE, NC—Cleverly putting together the clues to crack the case Monday, Samantha Pearson—a real-life Nancy Drew—reportedly used her sleuthing skills to deduce who had infected her with genital human papillomavirus.
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Scientists Confirm First Case Of Zika Transmission From Article To Reader

ATLANTA—In an unprecedented warning to the U.S. populace, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced Monday that scientists had discovered the first known case of an individual contracting the Zika virus directly from a news article on the infectious disease. “Until now, we had believed Zika was only spread through mosquito bites and sexual contact, but we have determined that the infection can also be transmitted via exposure to media coverage of the epidemic,” said CDC spokesman Jason Crank, referring to a woman in Waverly, NE who reportedly tested positive for the virus after following an internet link to a news story on the latest Zika outbreak in the continental United States. “To prevent further spread of the disease, we recommend individuals avoid reading any part of any article on the subject, as the CDC believes Zika can be transmitted by a single paragraph, or, in some cases, just a headline. In addition, we advise anyone exposed to a full two-minute broadcast news segment on the virus to immediately turn off their television and quarantine themselves until further notice.” At press time, sources confirmed that you were beginning to experience a high fever.

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