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doctors

Doctor Just Uses Same Ultrasound Picture For Every Baby

MEQUON, WI—Saying that the practice saves her considerable time and effort each day, local ob-gyn doctor Anna Schiesser told reporters Thursday that she typically just shows soon-to-be parents the same ultrasound picture for every baby.

Doctors Recommend Getting 8 Centuries Of Cryosleep

STANFORD, CA—Claiming that the practice is essential for effectively recharging the body and waking fully rested and alert, doctors at Stanford University issued a report Monday emphasizing the importance of getting at least eight centuries of atomi...

Tips For Finding The Right Doctor

Every person has different needs and preferences when it comes to health care, which is why it’s essential to find a high-quality physician whom you trust and respect.

Panicked ER Doctor Calls 911

CHARLOTTE, NC—In the midst of performing an emergency appendectomy Thursday, panicked ER doctor Caleb Morrison dropped his surgical instruments mid-operation and dialed 911.
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Hydra Decides To See Doctor About Painful Ingrown Head

ARGOLIS, GREECE—Worrying that it would become infected if left unattended, the water monster Hydra confirmed Friday that it was finally going to see a doctor about a painful ingrown head. “I noticed it a few centuries ago and no matter what I try, it just keeps getting worse,” said the serpentine creature, adding that the ingrown head was most likely caused by it growing back incorrectly after being sliced off by a hero at the wrong angle. “It’s all swollen, and it’s just gross to look at. I tried treating it with antibiotic cream and a bandage, but I think it’s time to have professional examine it before it gets way worse.” At press time, a doctor had successfully removed the ingrown head, but two more ingrown heads reportedly immediately appeared in its place.

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