adBlockCheck

Department Of Transportation Introduces Padded Bumper Lane For Intoxicated Drivers

Top Headlines

drinking

End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Nightlife

Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

Television

Department Of Transportation Introduces Padded Bumper Lane For Intoxicated Drivers

WASHINGTON—In an effort to reduce motor vehicle injuries and fatalities stemming from drunk driving, officials at the Department of Transportation announced Wednesday the opening of new highway lanes lined with padded bumpers, which have been installed on interstates nationwide for use by intoxicated drivers. “It’s really quite simple—if you’re already behind the wheel and you feel like you’ve had too much to drink, simply veer into the special lane at the first entry point and careen safely from bumper to bumper until you reach your exit,” said department secretary Anthony Foxx, noting that the bumpers were specially constructed to cushion the impact of a swerving vehicle and gently push it back toward the center of the lane. “You can also use your car to lightly nudge other intoxicated motorists out of your way and into the padded barriers, or even doze off for a little bit while you drive if you need to.” Foxx said the Transportation Department hopes the new initiative achieves the same level of success as its interstate conveyor-belt lanes, which help prevent backups by accelerating stoned drivers to the normal speed of traffic.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close