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Family Sadly Marks First 4/20 Without Grandmother

ALBANY, NY—Reminiscing about the departed matriarch while partaking in the annual festivities, members of the Osterman family sadly marked their first 4/20 since the passing of their grandmother, sources reported Thursday.

A Timeline Of Marijuana Legalization

With Pennsylvania becoming the 24th state to legalize medical marijuana, many lawmakers are weighing whether to decriminalize the drug. Here is a timeline of marijuana’s journey from restricted substance to everyday commodity.

How To Get A Medical Marijuana Card

With 23 states now allowing the use of medical marijuana, many citizens are wondering how to obtain the substance safely and legally. Here is a step-by-step look at how to get and use a medical marijuana card

Report Finds Drug Tunnels Most Intact Transport Infrastructure In U.S.

ARLINGTON, VA—Touting the extensive safety precautions, routine maintenance, and limited congestion, a report published Friday by the American Transportation Research Institute revealed that drug tunnels are now the most intact and reliable form of transport infrastructure in the United States.

New Music Festival Just Large Empty Field To Do Drugs In

Declaring the event a rousing success so far, organizers confirmed more than 45,000 people turned out Wednesday for the first annual Cavalcade Folk and Roots Festival, a four-day gathering that consists solely of a big empty field to do drugs in.
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OxyContin Maker Criticized For New ‘It Gets You High’ Campaign

STAMFORD, CT—Caught off-guard by the shocking nationwide marketing blitz, anti-drug advocates roundly criticized Purdue Pharmaceuticals, the maker of OxyContin, for its massive new “It Gets You High” campaign. “We’re in the midst of an unprecedented opioid crisis in this country—is it really helpful to have thousands of billboards, website banners, and bus ads touting how incredible you’ll feel after just 10 milligrams?” said National Institute on Drug Abuse spokeswoman Tina Walters, adding that brightly lit billboards with slogans such as “What A Rush” and “Take More, Feel Better” represented a new low for the already grossly irresponsible drug manufacturer. “OxyContin is more than addictive enough on its own and certainly doesn’t require any assistance from television commercials that feature animated 40-mg tablets singing a catchy song about taking all the pain away or beautiful models looking into the camera and saying ‘I want an Oxy man.’” At press time, anti-drug advocates were beside themselves upon learning Purdue had just bought the naming rights for Snorting Oxy Gets You High Faster Stadium.

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A Timeline Of Marijuana Legalization

With Pennsylvania becoming the 24th state to legalize medical marijuana, many lawmakers are weighing whether to decriminalize the drug. Here is a timeline of marijuana’s journey from restricted substance to everyday commodity.

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