MANCHESTER, NH—Plunging into a downward spiral of despair and self-doubt after a poor showing in the Iowa caucuses, a demoralized Jeb Bush reportedly succumbed this week to New Hampshire’s ongoing heroin epidemic.
NEW YORK—Explaining that his afternoons and evenings were still pretty much wide open, local man Eric Lang told reporters Friday that he had figured drug addiction would take up a lot more of his free time.
With 23 states now allowing the use of medical marijuana, many citizens are wondering how to obtain the substance safely and legally. Here is a step-by-step look at how to get and use a medical marijuana card
BALTIMORE—According to a study published Monday by researchers at Johns Hopkins University, the majority of the nearly 9,000 accidental heroin overdoses that occur in the U.S. each year could easily be prevented if the victim were to take less heroin.
ALEXANDRIA, VA—As part of an effort to provide young people with the tools necessary to make responsible decisions, a coalition of the nation’s leading anti-drug activists launched a new initiative Tuesday with the goal of teaching teenagers to resist pressure from psychiatrists to use drugs.
ROCKVILLE, MD—Explaining that most young people mistakenly believe the popular drug to be safe for recreational use, officials from the National Institute on Drug Abuse unveiled a new anti-MDMA campaign Friday warning teens about the dangers of feeling deep emotional connections to others.
ACTON, MA—Ingesting a single 15 mg pill of the medication at the start of every school day, local 16-year-old moron Josh Wagner is completely wasting his Adderall prescription on his mental health, flabbergasted sources reported Wednesday.
ARLINGTON, VA—Touting the extensive safety precautions, routine maintenance, and limited congestion, a report published Friday by the American Transportation Research Institute revealed that drug tunnels are now the most intact and reliable form of transport infrastructure in the United States.
Declaring the event a rousing success so far, organizers confirmed more than 45,000 people turned out Wednesday for the first annual Cavalcade Folk and Roots Festival, a four-day gathering that consists solely of a big empty field to do drugs in.
FLORENCE, AZ—Noting that the purity and reliability were significantly lower, sources at Arizona’s Florence State Prison confirmed that the lethal injection compounds given to convicted murderer Joseph Danvers III in the early morning hours Fr...
WASHINGTON—Claiming that his operation would be “completely dicked over” by an influx of product, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly became increasingly worried this week that the recent legalization of marijuana in Washington, D.C.
COLUMBUS, OH—In an effort to maintain a peaceful and enjoyable atmosphere for guests at local nightclub Zenith, bouncer Anthony Russo was given strict instructions Wednesday not to let people like himself in.
WASHINGTON—Confirming that U.S. students’ competency in the area of knowledge had only increased in recent years, a Pew Research Center report published Tuesday found that young Americans continue to lead the world in their awareness of which ...
WASHINGTON—Instructing workers to be on the lookout for a pretty huge package labeled “Fragile,” Vice President Joe Biden visited the White House mailroom Friday to check for the arrival of a grow light he’d had delivered under a f...
BRATTLEBORO, VT—In an effort to experience a happening freak-out in an outta sight way, a far-out chick is, sources confirmed, currently groovin’ on a doobie wave, feeling the vibes, and tripping out on a psychedelic reefer wave.
Uruguay's legislature is voting today to make their country the first in the world to legally regulate the production, distribution, and sale of marijuana, while here in the U.S., state lawmakers continue to weigh arguments over whether to follow Color...
WAUKEGAN, IL—Without any concern for what his self-destructive habits are doing to him and to his relationship with the Lord, future born-again Christian Travis Sutton is currently drinking, doing drugs, and thinking everything is just one big joke,...
NEW YORK—In the latest of an increasingly violent series of murders linked to international prescription drug trafficking, infamous Pfizer cartel leader Philip “El Loco” Cox was gunned down Thursday by rivals from the Bristol-Myers Squib...
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The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:
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Plan B Releases New Heart-Shaped Tablets For Valentine’s Day