Man Just Needs To Power Through Another Day Of Not Being Broke And Unemployed

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Report: America Still World Leader In Manufacturing Excuses

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—Revealing that Americans still excel in assembling all types of justifications, a report released Monday by researchers at Rutgers University confirmed that the United States remains the world’s unrivaled leader in manufactur...
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Man Just Needs To Power Through Another Day Of Not Being Broke And Unemployed

CHICAGO—After listing off a litany of reasons why he cannot stand his current job, local 27-year-old Don Rutland told reporters Friday that he just needs to power through another day of not being broke and unemployed. “It’s so unbearable right now, but I’m just going to buckle down and make it to the end of the day,” said the man who is not in the midst of an agonizing nine-month job search and can pay all of his bills on time with the money from the paycheck he receives every other week. “If I can just drag my ass into that office and grind it out until 5 p.m., I’ll be good.” At press time, Rutland was reportedly heading out for drinks to unwind from another day not spent battling a chronic, debilitating illness.


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