Tips For Writing A Research Paper

Students at every level of the education system are required to write the occasional research paper, and some might wonder where to begin. The Onion provides some tips for writing a stellar paper:

The Pros And Cons Of For-Profit Colleges

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Malia Obama will wait a year between graduating high school and attending Harvard in 2017, in what is becoming a rising trend among American students. Here are the pros and cons of taking a gap year:

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Notable Commencement Speakers For The Class Of 2017

Each spring, colleges around the country invite luminaries and public figures to speak to their graduating class. Here are this year’s most notable speakers:

  • The Dalai Lama, UC San Diego

    The spiritual leader is expected to offer graduates advice about living untethered from earthly possessions, at least until the job market picks up a little

  • Sheryl Sandberg, University of Virginia

    Facebook’s COO will remind the class of 2017 that no matter where life’s journey might lead them, Facebook owns them

  • Bernie Sanders, Brooklyn College

    Sanders plans to drive home the point that all of this could have been free

  • Billie Jean King, Northwestern University

    As a former tennis champion, King will provide insight about keeping your chin up in the face of a returned serve low to your left side

  • Hillary Clinton, Wellesley College

    Clinton is scheduled to speak to graduates of her alma mater, though critics are already condemning her for not scheduling more commencement speeches in Wisconsin

  • Tim Cook, MIT

    Apple’s CEO is expected to unveil a slightly smoother updated version of his GWU 2015 commencement speech

  • Mike Pence, Notre Dame

    Vice President Pence has agreed to speak under the condition that female graduates wear full-body mortarboards

  • Steven Levitan, University Of Wisconsin

    The Modern Family creator will talk openly about overcoming the struggles he faced as a member of the 18-34 demographic

  • Barack Obama, Monsters University

    In one of this year’s most anticipated speeches, the 44th president will address the nation’s scariest students

  • Steven Van Zandt, Rutgers University

    By speaking about his years as a guitarist in The E Street Band and cast member of The Sopranos, Van Zandt will inspire graduates with the absolute best case scenario for never getting out of New Jersey

  • Oprah Winfrey, Skidmore College

    She’s always good at this kind of shit

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