Elementary Schoolers Depressed After Getting Look At Voters Filing Out Of Gymnasium

Top Headlines

elementary school

Teacher Surprised The 2 Weird Kids Haven’t Hit It Off Yet

DAYTON, OH—Stating that the young pair of freaks seem like they would be perfect for each other, Jerger Elementary School third-grade teacher Karen Neel told reporters Thursday she was pretty surprised the two weird kids in her class hadn’t hi...

Kindergarten Class Burning Through 6 Hamsters A Year

LIGONIER, PA—Attributing the high levels of attrition to a combination of handling errors and poor oversight, Holy Trinity School kindergarten teacher Alyssa D’Orazio told reporters today that her class is currently burning through hamsters at...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Comedy

Food

Elementary Schoolers Depressed After Getting Look At Voters Filing Out Of Gymnasium

NEWTON, MA—Looking out their classroom windows at the masses of dejected and weary adults throughout the school day, students at Lincoln Eliot Elementary School told reporters this afternoon that they could not help but feel deeply depressed after catching sight of local voters filing out of their school’s gymnasium. “They look so sad,” said second-grader Tyler Quinn, who explained that it made him feel “really bad” to see midterm voters’ frowning faces and tired-looking eyes as they slowly shuffled out of the building’s rear exit and across the school property. “Oh, no. It must be real bad in the gym if they all come out looking like that. I don’t ever want to vote.” At press time, several third-graders were noting that while the sight of the downtrodden voters heading off toward the parking lot was heartbreaking, it was at least a relief to see that there weren’t very many of them.

Next Story