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Tips For Keeping Your Energy Bills Down

Extreme heat during the summer means many households will face months of skyrocketing energy bills. Here are some tips for saving energy and keeping your monthly bill reasonable

Shell Executives Accuse Oil-Covered Otter Of Playing It Up

OAK HARBOR, WA—"He's fine," said Shell president Marvin Odum. "Trust me, before all of the cameras and reporters showed up, our little buddy here was having no problem at all cleaning himself off. Now, all of a sudden, it's severe spastic convulsions this and complete kidney failure that."

Obama's New Fuel Efficiency Plan

Last week, President Obama announced a plan to lower automobile emissions by requiring new cars to average 35.5 miles per gallon. How can...

Simple Tips For A Greener House

Cutting energy consumption not only saves you money, it helps save the environment. Here are 10 simple things you can do around the house to the earth AND your wallet a greener place.

Nation Hit Hard

NEW YORK—Faced with several tough factors, the nation has once again been hit hard, sources reported Tuesday. "It is unclear whether the...

Texas Environmentalists Lobby For Solar-Powered Electric Chair

AUSTIN, TX—Garrett Durning of the Texas Environmental Defense League has spent the last three months campaigning tirelessly for the installation of solar-powered electric chairs in state prisons. "Texas wastes more than 500,000 watts of electricity on every criminal it executes," Durning told reporters Monday. "We live in the 21st century, and it's high time we acted like it. Let's stop depleting our non-renewable fossil fuels. Solar power is a more energy-efficient way to execute the condemned." Durning added that wrist and ankle restraints should be made of hemp rather than leather, the use of which is cruel.
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Obama Returns From Paris Climate Talks With Couple Energy-Efficient Light Bulbs

WASHINGTON—Triumphantly displaying the fruits of his diplomatic talks with 150 fellow world leaders at the COP21 climate change summit in Paris, President Obama returned to the U.S. this week with a couple energy-efficient light bulbs. “The international community came together with a common agenda to limit the devastating effects of global warming, and after much negotiation, we were able to secure several energy-saving light bulbs for every nation in attendance, which will ensure a more sustainable future for our children and grandchildren,” said Obama, holding up the two-pack of 60-watt equivalent bulbs and adding that, while they were initially more expensive than traditional incandescent bulbs, the cost would be recouped over time, as LED bulbs last 40 to 50 times longer. “These bulbs use 75 percent less energy than typical lighting and are Energy Star certified, and that will make a significant impact toward limiting the damaging effects of climate change. And not only will these LED lights reduce the nation’s carbon footprint, but they will also save a considerable amount on monthly electricity bills. That’s good news for the planet and our wallets.” Obama conceded, however, that the agreement fell short of his initial hopes that every country would walk away from the summit with five energy-efficient light bulbs apiece and a low-flow toilet.

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