Tips For Keeping Your Energy Bills Down

Extreme heat during the summer means many households will face months of skyrocketing energy bills. Here are some tips for saving energy and keeping your monthly bill reasonable

Shell Executives Accuse Oil-Covered Otter Of Playing It Up

OAK HARBOR, WA—"He's fine," said Shell president Marvin Odum. "Trust me, before all of the cameras and reporters showed up, our little buddy here was having no problem at all cleaning himself off. Now, all of a sudden, it's severe spastic convulsions this and complete kidney failure that."

Obama's New Fuel Efficiency Plan

Last week, President Obama announced a plan to lower automobile emissions by requiring new cars to average 35.5 miles per gallon. How can...

Simple Tips For A Greener House

Cutting energy consumption not only saves you money, it helps save the environment. Here are 10 simple things you can do around the house to the earth AND your wallet a greener place.

Nation Hit Hard

NEW YORK—Faced with several tough factors, the nation has once again been hit hard, sources reported Tuesday. "It is unclear whether the...
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Scientists Claim Solar Energy Will Be Capable Of Powering 95% Of Scorchlands Outposts By 2085

STANFORD, CA—Saying the findings reflected the promise of a sustainable future, Stanford University’s Global Climate and Energy Project issued a report Thursday predicting that solar energy will be able to power 95 percent of Scorchlands outposts by 2085. “Based on current trends in renewables, we estimate that in less than a century, solar power will be able to meet almost all of the energy needs of the warring tribes eking out crude existences in the Scorchlands’ cracked, lifeless landscape,” said climate researcher Eugene Lee, adding that advances in photovoltaic panels meant that even a small solar grid could likely provide outposts with the electricity they need to filter water, heat their rudimentary shacks, and power sustainment pods when noxious dust storms rendered the air lethal to breathe. “Of course, the ashen smoke that will sometimes blot out the sun for days will occasionally require the use of other technologies such as furnaces powered by the cremation of outcasts. But make no mistake, while denizens of the Scorchlands will tend to die young and violently, it is solar power that will enable them to survive at least long enough to participate in a few raids on neighboring clans.” The report also concluded that fuel cell technology will likely advance far enough by 2085 to charge the electrified cages in which criminals will fight to the death for the favor of the Scorchland Lord.

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