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The Onion’s Fall TV Preview

Networks are just weeks away from debuting their Fall lineups, featuring both new shows and returning favorites. The Onion breaks down what to watch this Fall.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.
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A Timeline Of Elvis Presley’s Life

Elvis Presley, iconic rock and roll singer, guitarist, and actor, died 40 years ago today. The Onion looks back on his life.

  • August 1935

    Elvis Aaron Presley is born after a series of provocative hip thrusts from his parents

  • 1956

    Elvis is crowned King Of Rock N Roll following a swift, bloody military coup

  • March 1957

    Elvis buys Graceland, a 14-acre, 8-toilet mansion in Nashville, TN

  • November 1957

    Presley stars in Jailhouse Rock, a film that shines a light on prison overcrowding and the dangerous tendency of inmates to break into song and dance

  • March 1958

    Presley is drafted into the U.S. Army despite an advanced case of the blues

  • 1967

    Some asshole introduces Elvis to painkillers

  • 1969

    Elvis begins performing in Las Vegas as part of an Elvis Presley tribute band

  • June 1970

    During stage performances, Elvis begins wearing his iconic cape, jumpsuit, flippers, and scuba mask

  • December 1970

    Elvis visits Richard Nixon’s White House for a landmark stealing-from-black-America summit

  • 1973

    Over 1 billion people tune in to watch Elvis: Aloha from Hawaii Via Satellite, and the Soviet Union responds by launching Ukrainian crooner Iosif Kobzon into low-earth orbit

  • 1974

    Elvis invents his namesake sandwich consisting of peanut butter, banana, and amphetamines

  • September 1977

    Dave Rhodes, a portly insurance claims adjustor who keeps to himself, moves into his new ranch house in Mesa, AZ

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