DURHAM, NC—After surveying hundreds of dungeons and arenas across an array of digital realms, a new report released Wednesday by Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business found that women only made up 2.7 percent of video game bosses last year.
EDGEMONT, PA—Expressing shock that the film he was watching somehow did not yet seem to be reaching its conclusion, area man Tyler Smith, 33, reported Tuesday that, holy shit, there are somehow still 50 minutes left in the movie.
HOUSTON—Looking around anxiously from her place in the NRG Stadium concourse, Lady Gaga reportedly panicked Sunday after hearing her name introduced to the crowd for the Super Bowl LI halftime show while she was still waiting in line for the bathroom.
Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.
LOS ANGELES—Stopping producers in their tracks after an exhausting, fruitless day of screening candidates for their film’s lead, local actor Christopher Ryan, the perfect fit for the role, poked his head into the audition room Monday to ask whether it was too late for him to be considered.
SCHENECTADY, NY—Repeatedly seeking to ease his friends’ growing skepticism and disinterest, local man Joel Mayhew peppered his explanation of the rules of the board game Pandemic with reassurances that it will be fun, sources confirmed Friday.
Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
CINCINNATI—Issuing the proclamation directly to friends and family Wednesday afternoon, local man Sean Patterson officially announced he is no longer accepting television series recommendations at this time.
CHICAGO—Growing increasingly ashamed as he imagined how many people must have already noticed, local man Matt Quinlan was reportedly humiliated Friday upon discovering ornate embroidery on his jeans’ back pocket.
WAUKESHA, WI—According to sources who attended Peter and Jillian Lefevre’s wedding reception at the Loft & Chapel banquet hall last Saturday, event DJ Joel Kephart assured the man hovering nervously by his booth that he had not forgotten t...
WASHINGTON—Marveling at the outraged, shouting woman’s conditioning, House Speaker Paul Ryan told reporters Tuesday he could not help but be impressed by the infuriated protester who had been keeping up with his running pace for the last nine miles.