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Climate Change: Myth Vs. Fact

With President Trump set to dismantle much of his predecessor’s climate change legislation, many are wondering what the impacts of climate change will be and which sources to believe. The Onion separates fact from fiction on the issue of global warming:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Cockroaches Feeling Very Optimistic About Future Of Planet

NEW YORK—Declaring that their outlook is as hopeful as it’s been in decades, an overwhelming majority of the world’s cockroaches said in a poll released Thursday by the Pew Research Center that they felt “highly optimistic” about the future of the planet.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

Ecosystem Sobered By How Young Species Was When It Went Extinct

EL VALLE DE ANTÓN, PANAMA—Mournfully noting that the species hadn’t even had a chance to reach its full evolutionary potential before it was taken away from them, the local moist broadleaf forest ecosystem was reportedly left sobered this week at the thought of how young the Rabbs’ fringe-limbed treefrog was when it went extinct.
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Report: Rise In Global Temperatures Likely To Increase Number of Americans Who Fucking Reek

WASHINGTON—Sounding the alarm on yet another devastating effect of climate change, a report released Tuesday by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration found that even a modest rise in global temperatures is likely to increase the number of Americans who fucking reek. “If the upward trend in average global temperature continues, we’ll almost certainly see a corresponding uptick in the proportion of Americans who just stink like rancid cheese,” said lead author Roger Agnew, explaining that with each degree centigrade the climate warms, the number of Americans who can singlehandedly clear out a room with their B.O. grows exponentially. “Our models project that the heat trapped by elevated levels of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere could cause as many as 50 million Americans to develop an unbearably ripe stench capable of wafting as far as the Canadian border. We must ask ourselves: Do we want our children to inherit a world that smells like total ass?” Fanning the air in front of his nose, Agnew emphasized that climate change was real and that the effects of it could already be detected.

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