Breaking: Waiter Picking Up Napkin With Bare Hand

SAN ANTONIO—Watching in horror as he directly handles the dirty, crumpled piece of paper without the aid of a glove or any other sanitary barrier, Sunset Grove Cafe patron Samantha Barnes is at this moment panicking upon noticing that her waiter has picked up her used napkin with his bare hand.

Health Scare Prompts Man To Start Overeating Healthier

ROUND ROCK, TX—Having recently learned from his doctor that he suffered from high blood pressure and elevated cholesterol levels that put him at serious risk for cardiovascular disease and stroke, 43-year-old Donald Fisher told reporters Thursday the unanticipated health scare had prompted him to start overeating healthier.
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How To Make Cooking At Home Less Stressful

  • Let your kids know upfront that 7:30 is a soft deadline for dinner.

  • To avoid extra trips to the store, keep your pantry stocked with staples like olive oil, flour, salt, soy sauce, saffron, pepper flakes, Iberico ham, an airtight canister of white truffles, and a coop full of Cornish game hens.

  • Perform regular checks on your lazy Susan to ensure its gears remain properly greased.

  • Make sure to sort out all marital issues in advance so that lingering resentments don’t get channeled into a blowup over how long to cook the roast.

  • Refrain from letting the children choose Christian names for the lambs.

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