Fan Bravely Ventures To Other Side Of Stadium In Search Of Better Food Options

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Man Pushed Off Plate Of Chicken Wings By Larger Male

WARMINSTER, PA—Looking on as the intense display of aggressive behavior played out over several minutes, sources at Flannigan’s Bar & Grill confirmed Thursday that local man Pete Samuelson was pushed off a plate of buffalo wings by a much larger alpha male.

Grandma Guts It Out Through Lunch On Sunny Patio

MALVERN, PA—Making the audacious decision to dine outdoors with her family despite a noticeable lack of umbrellas or awnings, grandmother Diane McGilvery, 83, reportedly gutted it out through lunch Friday on the sunny patio of a local restaurant.
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Fan Bravely Ventures To Other Side Of Stadium In Search Of Better Food Options

CINCINNATI—Fearlessly embarking on a journey to areas as far as the outer mezzanine, local Cincinnati Reds fan Tony Amico, 38, reportedly departed from his section at Great American Ball Park Friday and trekked all the way to the other side of the stadium in search of better food options. “I’m pretty hungry, but all they have around here are hot dogs and nachos, and I don’t really feel like either of those,” Amico told reporters as he began his long and arduous odyssey past 23 different seating sections in the concourse, holding out hope of coming across pizza or perhaps even some barbecue. “I saw a guy walk past with some tacos, but I have no idea where he got them from. I could have sworn I saw a place with pulled pork sliders while we were walking up to our seats, too—I could definitely go for that.” At press time, Amico had finally reached the promised land after discovering a concession stand selling chicken tenders, but ultimately opted to return to his seat empty-handed after learning that they cost $12.