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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Preseason Top 10 College Football Teams

With the start of the college football just season weeks away, Onion Sports breaks down the top 10 teams in the country.

  • 10. Oklahoma State

    Every member of the Cowboys team and staff is laser-focused on the opportunity before them to move to a better university if they have a good year

  • 9. Michigan

    Will need to band together in the absence of head coach Jim Harbaugh, who will miss the entire season on a nationwide recruiting trip

  • 8. Oklahoma

    That quarterback with the bandana is back again

  • 7. Washington

    The 2016 Huskies got a taste of the postseason, but this year they hope to slurp down the entire tournament and become stuffed with its dense, beefy filling

  • 6. Penn State

    Fans are hoping last year’s 11-3 season means the Nittany Lines are returning to the glory days of heinous child rape cover-ups

  • 5. Clemson

    Only time will tell if losing winningest player in school history Deshaun Watson to the NFL was a good or bad thing for the Tigers

  • 4. USC

    Their games are on really late so this ranking is kind of a guess

  • 3. Florida State

    Could finally be the year the Seminoles figure out if their mascot is offensive or not

  • 2. Ohio State

    Urban Meyer’s uptempo offense has put pressure on new starters by forcing them to skip second down

  • 1. Alabama

    Nick Saban has told reporters this is the single greatest team he has had the displeasure of coaching

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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

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