Netanyahu Doubles Down Against Obama With PowerPoint On Perils Of Affordable Care Act

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Foreign Policy

Schlubs From U.S., China Meet In Lowest-Level Talks

BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA—In an effort to strengthen diplomatic ties between the global superpowers’ most oafish representatives, sources confirmed Thursday that schlubs from the United States and China met in Australia this week for a series of low...

Timeline Of The War On Terror

0 AD–September 11, 2001: Everything fine September 11, 2001: September 11, 2001 September 12, 2001: A determined George W. Bush responds to the Sept. 11 attacks by swiftly promising two failed wars, a nearly 10-year manhunt for...

China Announces Plans To Build International Space Prison

BEIJING—In a highly anticipated announcement that is being met with widespread enthusiasm by Chinese Communist Party officials across the country, the People’s Republic of China unveiled plans Monday to build and operate a new state-of-the-art...

U.S. Signs Declaration Of Dependence On China

WASHINGTON—In what is certain to be regarded as a defining moment in the nation’s history, leading U.S. political figures gathered at the Capitol today to sign their names to the newly drafted Declaration of Dependence ...

Alien World To Help Out Syria Since This One Refuses To

IMPERIAL CITY, PLANET ZARKLOM 12—Frustrated by “the astonishing incapacity of earthlings to halt the rampant slaughter of their own kind” in Syria, the emperor of Zarklom 12 announced Wednesday he had no choice but to dispatch his own in...

U.S. Offers PlatinumPlus Preferred Citizenship

WASHINGTON, DC—In an 86-14 vote, the Senate approved legislation Monday establishing PlatinumPlus Preferred citizenship, an exciting new program offering special benefits and discounts to select members of the U.S.

Byzantine Empire Will Fall To Turks, Historian Warns

ITHACA, NY—The Byzantine Empire, the Eastern continuation of the Roman Empire, is in grave danger and will soon fall to united armies of Ottoman Turks, Cornell University history professor Wallace Schroeder warned Monday.

Clinton Adopts New 'No Fear' Foreign Policy

WASHINGTON, DC—In what observers are calling a "radically intense" move, President Clinton unveiled a new "No Fear" foreign policy approach Monday, stating that in the future, nations dealing with the U.S. should "Bring Your Spine Or Ride The Pine."

Perky 'Canada' Has Own Government, Laws

It’s Monday morning, and Toronto resident Steve Dorman shares a quick breakfast of “eggs” (a native food) with his “wife” (an officially state-sanctioned mate), and discusses yesterday’s poor showing by the hometown team in “baseball” (a popular local spo...
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Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year.

Netanyahu Doubles Down Against Obama With PowerPoint On Perils Of Affordable Care Act

WASHINGTON—In what is being regarded as a further provocation on top of his already controversial address before Congress, Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu doubled down against President Obama Tuesday with a PowerPoint presentation on the perils of the Affordable Care Act. “As you’ll see here in this chart, Obamacare restricts freedom of choice for people who were previously insured through their employers, while simultaneously causing insurance companies to raise their premiums,” said Netanyahu, who according to witnesses had finished his original speech criticizing Obama’s opposition to further Iran sanctions and immediately announced he would be discussing the president’s “fatally flawed and unconstitutional” health care overhaul. “Now, if we click over to the next slide, we see that the individual mandate forces many Americans to purchase insurance policies they cannot afford or simply don’t want. Why should the government be making our health care decisions for us?” At press time, Netanyahu was asking if he might have a few more minutes for an abbreviated version of his PowerPoint on the troubling unanswered questions that still surrounded Benghazi.