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List Of Names On Gchat Sidebar Like A Portal Into Area Man’s Past Lives

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Department Of Labor Study Confirms Your Job Most Demanding

‘None Of Your Friends Understand How Hard It Is,’ Report Reads

WASHINGTON—Noting that the level of mental strain associated with the profession was far and away the highest recorded, a federal study on workplace conditions and occupational stress released Thursday has confirmed that your job is the most demanding career in the entire nation, and that none of your friends or family fully understand how hard it is.

Something Apparently Going On With Mom And Her Best Friend

They’re In A Fight Or Something

SEWICKLEY, PA—Noting the abrupt cessation of nightly phone calls and general references to her longtime confidante, household sources confirmed Wednesday that something is evidently going on between local mom Catherine Bowen, 51, and her best friend...
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List Of Names On Gchat Sidebar Like A Portal Into Area Man’s Past Lives

FRANKFORT, KY—Displaying nearly forgotten ghosts from his past like a hazy window through time, the list of names appearing on local resident Paul Thurman’s Gchat sidebar read like a catalog of the man’s former lives and identities, the 27-year-old graphic designer reported Wednesday. “There’s a guy from my ultimate Frisbee team back in college, and there are a couple people from my old pub trivia group—and, oh yeah, that guy had a summer sublet in our apartment a couple years ago,” said Thurman, caught off guard by the memories of so many bygone versions of himself as he scrolled through the long, green-dot-stippled monument to his erstwhile personas, interests, and aspirations. “There’s a guy who wanted me to design his business’s logo but I never heard back from him, some girls I dated once or twice, and a few coworkers from the Panera Bread where I used to work. And I think that Will Tyson down there might be the person who bought my old futon on Craigslist right before I moved out of Charlotte.” According to reports, Thurman then lingered for a moment on the name of someone he reluctantly admitted had been in an a cappella group with him before hastily closing the mail application and telling reporters that some past lives were best not revisited.

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