Friends, Family Admit They Expected Man’s Mental Breakdown To Look Completely Different

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Department Of Labor Study Confirms Your Job Most Demanding

‘None Of Your Friends Understand How Hard It Is,’ Report Reads

WASHINGTON—Noting that the level of mental strain associated with the profession was far and away the highest recorded, a federal study on workplace conditions and occupational stress released Thursday has confirmed that your job is the most demanding career in the entire nation, and that none of your friends or family fully understand how hard it is.

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They’re In A Fight Or Something

SEWICKLEY, PA—Noting the abrupt cessation of nightly phone calls and general references to her longtime confidante, household sources confirmed Wednesday that something is evidently going on between local mom Catherine Bowen, 51, and her best friend...
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Friends, Family Admit They Expected Man’s Mental Breakdown To Look Completely Different

MINNEAPOLIS—Though they had reportedly anticipated his psychological breakdown for the past several months, friends and family members of local man Lucas Whitford acknowledged Wednesday that the mental collapse the 32-year-old billing specialist was currently suffering looked entirely different than what they had expected. “I personally thought he’d be more or less normal, and then one day, when something pushed him over the edge, he’d just snap and have some sort of screaming meltdown in public or something, but it hasn’t been like that at all,” said Whitford’s older brother Samuel, 35, later adding that until recently, he had pictured his high-strung sibling responding to his mounting mental strain by quickly becoming enraged, yelling some paranoid nonsense, and perhaps even needing to be physically restrained, instead of gradually and silently retreating from all interactions with others as he has done over the past two weeks. “He’s just been sad and really quiet lately, and he lost a bit of weight. When you ask him how he’s doing, all he does is say ‘I’m fine’ and sort of stare at nothing. I really thought when I confronted him about his emotional state he’d be drunk and belligerent, but no, he just kind of cries.” Those close to Whitford said they haven’t entirely ruled out his mental breakdown entering a manic episode, which could cause him to take a family member’s car and drive it through the entrance of a big-box retailer.

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