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friendship

How To Throw The Perfect Surprise Party

A surprise party is a nice gesture for a friend or family member, but pulling one off requires careful planning and commitment. Here are The Onion’s tips for throwing a surprise party:

Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied

APPLETON, WI—Perplexed local man Russell Chambliss has no idea if the coworkers seated with him at Malone’s Irish Tavern are attempting to forge a male bond with him or cruelly harassing him, the 26-year-old shipping clerk told reporters Wednesday evening.
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Dad’s Previously Unheard-Of Friend Dies

MISSOULA, MT—Bringing up the name out of the blue for the first time ever, local father John Novak revealed Monday that a previously unheard-of friend of his had died. “I just found out Doug passed away, so I’m gonna be out of town later this week and probably be back on Saturday,” said Novak to his daughter Alisha, who at that very moment was learning her father’s friend not only existed but that the relationship was intimate enough to justify traveling to New Mexico for a funeral. “Your mother may or may not come along. She really didn’t know him back then.” At press time, the conversation had ended with Novak revealing few details about his friend apart from the fact that they once lived together along with another unknown person named Marty, whom Novak said he was actually much closer with.

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