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friendship

How To Throw The Perfect Surprise Party

A surprise party is a nice gesture for a friend or family member, but pulling one off requires careful planning and commitment. Here are The Onion’s tips for throwing a surprise party:

Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied

APPLETON, WI—Perplexed local man Russell Chambliss has no idea if the coworkers seated with him at Malone’s Irish Tavern are attempting to forge a male bond with him or cruelly harassing him, the 26-year-old shipping clerk told reporters Wednesday evening.
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Man Sets Unsustainable Precedent Of Saying Hello To Coworker Every Morning

CHICAGO—Establishing a grueling pace he will be unable to keep up indefinitely, local man Gabe Fellman has set an unsustainable precedent of saying hello to his coworker every morning, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Oh, hey, Kyle,” Fellman said as he casually made his way to his desk, attempting to abide by the impossible standard for as long as he and his colleague are both employed at the same digital marketing firm. “Have a good day, man.” Reports later confirmed that Fellman had given up saying hello to his coworker in less than two weeks and was now on the verge of eliminating eye contact.

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