Who Is Kim Davis?

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gay & lesbian

The Gay Rights Movement In America: A Timeline

The Supreme Court ruled in a 5-4 decision Friday that bans on gay marriage are unconstitutional, concluding decades of hard-fought battles by gay rights activists to grant marriage equality to all. Here is a timeline of milestones in the gay rights movement in the U.S.

Nation’s Homophobic Bigots Pack It In

‘Rules Are Rules,’ Say Those With Deeply Ingrained Prejudices

WASHINGTON—Following the Supreme Court’s landmark ruling that bans on same-sex marriage were unconstitutional, the nation’s homophobic bigots reportedly conceded today that “rules are rules” and announced that they were going to pack it in.

Walmart Vows To Defend Whichever Gays Buy Their Cheap Shit

BENTONVILLE, AR—Despite Governor Asa Hutchinson’s refusal to sign a controversial religious freedom bill that seemed to permit businesses to discriminate against homosexuals, officials from Arkansas-based retailer Walmart announced Wednesday t...

Gay Marriage State By State

The Supreme Court ruled this week that gay couples in Alabama will be allowed to marry in the months leading up to its ruling on the constitutionality of same-sex marriage, while other states continue to uphold bans.

Gay Man Unaware He Focus Of Thousands Of Prayers

SANTA ROSA, CA—Oblivious to the fact that he was being held in the hearts of Christian congregations across the country, 36-year-old gay man Andrew Fitzpatrick reportedly went about his grocery shopping Friday fully unaware that he was currently the...

Homosexuality Only Thing Parents Can Accept About Son

GRAND FORKS, ND—Expressing their deep disappointment with his behavior and lifestyle, local parents Jeff and Susan Lindegaard told reporters Tuesday that they are simply unable to accept anything about their 24-year-old son Henry aside from his homo...

Jock Scientists Discover Gay Gene In Carl

“It’s In His Butt,” Say Researchers

Researchers today took a break from bullying their colleague Carl to announce to the world that Carl is a little pansy boy and that they are sick of him.
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This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

Election 2016

Who Is Kim Davis?

Rowan County, KY clerk Kim Davis returned to work Monday after being jailed for refusing to issue marriage licenses to gay couples on religious grounds. Here’s what you need to know about the defiant public servant:

  • Nickname: Kimmers
  • Full Name: Not going to be signed for just anybody
  • Christian Denomination: Apoplectic
  • Occupation: Still weighing offers from every conservative news outlet and political group
  • Work Style: Unconstitutional
  • Primary Goal: Protect sanctity of traditional homophobia
  • Commitment To Loving Her Neighbor: Court-ordered
  • Stance On State Regulation Of Short-Term Vacation Rentals: Unstated
  • Job Security: A lot better than most Americans
  • Number Of Presidential Candidates Currently Vying For Her Endorsement: Don’t ask
  • 2014 Campaign Promise To Rowan County Voters: Turn unassuming government office into embarrassing international spectacle in less than year’s time
  • Sneaks In Some Secular Music Now And Then: Despite her better judgment
  • Last Time You Will Have To Hear About Her: November 8, 2016