Rival PGA Hooligans Clash During Final Round Of Masters

AUGUSTA, GA—Gathering in large groups and vociferously chanting expletive-filled songs in support of their favorite players, several groups of rival PGA hooligans violently clashed at the Augusta National Golf Club during the final round of the Mast...

Greatest Masters Moments Of All Time

With the 2013 Masters underway, Onion Sports examines the most impressive feats in the history of the prestigious golf tournament. 1934: Horton Smith becomes the first white man to win the prestigious golf tournament 1960: Needing to...

Phil Mickelson's Shower Caddy Recommends Sudsy 9-Iron

RANCHO SANTA FE, CA—Approaching the halfway point of a solid round of bathing Sunday, Phil Mickelson followed the advice of his shower caddy and used a sudsy 9-iron for his approach shot instead of the shampoo-covered pitching wedge he had originall...

Darren Clarke

No one expected fun-loving Darren Clarke to win the British Open, but the Guinness-and-cigarettes-loving Irishman took his first major at the age of 42.
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Nation Demands More Golf Highlights Where Ball Lands On Green, But Then Rolls All The Way Back Down Hill

WASHINGTON—Stressing the urgent need for an increase in such clips both on television and the internet, Americans across the nation fiercely and unanimously demanded to see more golf highlights where the ball lands on the green, but then rolls all the way back down a big hill, sources confirmed Tuesday. “I love it when the ball lands on the edge of a hill pretty close to the hole, stops for just a second, and then starts rolling backwards faster and faster until it’s all the way in the rough,” said 33-year-old Trevor Burkin of Frederick, MD, who, like millions of other Americans, called for more frequent SportsCenter highlights in which the ball rolls so far that it eventually falls into a sand trap or water hazard. “I also want the announcer to say something like ‘Uh-oh, wait a minute’ right when the ball starts rolling away from the hole, and then the camera should show the golfer leaning his head back with his eyes closed out of frustration. That’s what I want. I want more of that.” Many Americans added that in the meantime, they would settle for more highlights of long putts where the ball hangs right on the edge of the hole, but doesn’t go in.


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