adBlockCheck

Jordan Spieth’s Family To Wait A Few Days Before Asking Him What The Fuck Happened

Top Headlines

golf

Rival PGA Hooligans Clash During Final Round Of Masters

AUGUSTA, GA—Gathering in large groups and vociferously chanting expletive-filled songs in support of their favorite players, several groups of rival PGA hooligans violently clashed at the Augusta National Golf Club during the final round of the Mast...

Greatest Masters Moments Of All Time

With the 2013 Masters underway, Onion Sports examines the most impressive feats in the history of the prestigious golf tournament. 1934: Horton Smith becomes the first white man to win the prestigious golf tournament 1960: Needing to...

Phil Mickelson's Shower Caddy Recommends Sudsy 9-Iron

RANCHO SANTA FE, CA—Approaching the halfway point of a solid round of bathing Sunday, Phil Mickelson followed the advice of his shower caddy and used a sudsy 9-iron for his approach shot instead of the shampoo-covered pitching wedge he had originall...

Darren Clarke

No one expected fun-loving Darren Clarke to win the British Open, but the Guinness-and-cigarettes-loving Irishman took his first major at the age of 42.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Jordan Spieth’s Family To Wait A Few Days Before Asking Him What The Fuck Happened

DALLAS—Following the pro golfer’s historic collapse during the final holes of the Masters Tournament, Jordan Spieth’s family members confirmed Monday that they will probably wait a few days before asking him what the fuck happened. “It’s been a rough 24 hours for Jordan, so we’ll give him his space for a while before bringing up how badly he just shit the bed,” said Spieth’s mother, Christine, suggesting that the family’s Friday night dinner might be the most appropriate time to finally ask the 22-year-old how he managed such a mind-boggling choke job. “We’ll just have to dance around the fact that he really screwed the pooch for the next few days. There will be plenty of time to ask him what the hell he was doing out there. Right now, he needs to decompress and be alone with his thoughts.” Family members told reporters that any discussion of the nearly $1 million in prize money that Spieth missed out on would be avoided indefinitely.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close