Bubba Watson Horrified To Learn Two-Thirds Of Earth Covered In Water Hazards

Top Headlines

golf

Rival PGA Hooligans Clash During Final Round Of Masters

AUGUSTA, GA—Gathering in large groups and vociferously chanting expletive-filled songs in support of their favorite players, several groups of rival PGA hooligans violently clashed at the Augusta National Golf Club during the final round of the Mast...

Greatest Masters Moments Of All Time

With the 2013 Masters underway, Onion Sports examines the most impressive feats in the history of the prestigious golf tournament. 1934: Horton Smith becomes the first white man to win the prestigious golf tournament 1960: Needing to...

Phil Mickelson's Shower Caddy Recommends Sudsy 9-Iron

RANCHO SANTA FE, CA—Approaching the halfway point of a solid round of bathing Sunday, Phil Mickelson followed the advice of his shower caddy and used a sudsy 9-iron for his approach shot instead of the shampoo-covered pitching wedge he had originall...
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

House and Home

  • Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

    YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

Originality

Bubba Watson Horrified To Learn Two-Thirds Of Earth Covered In Water Hazards

UNIVERSITY PLACE, WA—Utterly overwhelmed by the thought of the planet’s surface containing such an unfathomable amount of the natural course obstacles, pro golfer Bubba Watson expressed both shock and fear Friday upon learning that approximately two-thirds of Earth is covered in water hazards. “It’s actually disturbing to think about water hazards making up over 70 percent of the world,” a wide-eyed Watson told reporters, noting with visible anxiety that the Pacific Ocean alone is over 60 million square miles of water hazard. “Think about it—you can look out from the edge of the rough and see nothing but a huge water hazard for thousands and thousands of miles. And some of the water hazards are so deep that no golf balls have ever even sunk all the way to the bottom. God, it’s just staggering.” Sources later confirmed that Watson was equally stunned after finding out that over 25 percent of the African continent is a single massive sand trap.