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Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

47 Weak-Willed Senators Bend To Interests Of Powerful American People

WASHINGTON—Saying the closely watched Senate vote clearly demonstrated where the elected officials’ loyalties lay, political observers confirmed that 47 weak-willed lawmakers bent to the interests of the powerful American public Monday by voting in favor of measures that would bar anyone on government terror watchlists from purchasing firearms.

How Firearm Background Checks Work

With gun violence in the United States rising to unprecedented levels, many lawmakers have pushed to expand federal background checks for the purchase of firearms. Here’s how background checks are currently conducted

Authorities Say Country Still An Active Shooter Situation

Citizens Advised To Remain Alert, Stay Indoors

WASHINGTON—Cautioning citizens to be on high alert and remain indoors until the area was determined to be safe, authorities confirmed Thursday that the United States is still an active shooter situation.

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

SAN BERNARDINO, CA—In the hours following a violent rampage in southern California in which two attackers killed 14 individuals and seriously injured 17 others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Wednesday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place.
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Authorities Praise Twitter Users’ Rapid Response To Virginia Shooting

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Recounting how they rushed to the social media platform in a matter of moments, local authorities Wednesday praised Twitter users’ rapid response to the shooting of a Republican congressman and four others. “We would like to acknowledge those Twitter users who, without any hesitation, immediately leaped into action after they saw the first headline about today’s tragedy,” said Alexandria Police Chief Michael Brown, adding that they didn’t think twice before assigning blame or fueling speculation, willingly engaging in petty arguments and personal attacks in a situation where any normal person would have just stayed away. “Focused and intent on getting their takes out there, they disregarded all consequences and, as if by instinct, jumped right into the fray, not wasting precious seconds confirming the veracity of their claims or checking the spelling of their statements.” Brown went on to say that this level of dedication should come as no surprise to anyone, as Twitter users go above and beyond like this every single day.

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