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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin. “I just got this new moisturizer I’m going to try out,” Holloway, 32, said of the latest phase in the study she has been running for the past 17 years, testing a wide range of hypotheses regarding which synthetic compounds and colloidal solutions might best be employed to attain optimal elasticity, hydration, and smoothness in dermal tissues. “The other stuff was kind of leaving my skin feeling dry. This one looks like it should be good, though.” At press time, reports indicated Holloway was nearing the final stages of an elimination test to determine which depilatory was causing a painful rash.

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