high school

High School Nurse Getting Pretty Good At Spotting Morning Sickness

FAIRFIELD, ME―Having seen more students than she can remember come into her office with complaints of nausea and vomiting over the years, Fairfield High School nurse Sarah Bromti told reporters Wednesday she’s getting to the point where she can identify morning sickness without much trouble.

No One In Gym Class Volleyball Game Willing To Set Ball

LITTLE ELM, TX—With neither team having completed more than two hits during a rally before sending the ball back over the net, sources confirmed Wednesday that no one in Jefferson High School’s third-period gym class was willing to set during a volleyball game.

Top Prom Trends For 2015

Prom season is a time for high school students to plan elaborate proposals, shop for fashionable formalwear, and arrange blowout events in the effort to make prom a night to remember. Here are this year’s most popular prom trends

High School Suspends Hunky Student For Wearing Shirt

MURFREESBORO, TN—Saying it was potentially disruptive to an educational environment in which all were entitled to see his rock-hard abs, administrators at Merritt High School suspended hunky senior Ryan Magnuson Wednesday for wearing a shirt.

What The Average Teen Spends On Prom

The cost of going to prom is predicted to be nearly $1,000 this year, with teens and their families spending enormous amounts of money on formal wear, limousines, post-dance parties, and more.

Rival Dojo In For Big Surprise At Regionals

ASHBURN, VA—Local 15-year-old Clint Hrabik, a second kyū brown belt at Ashburn Enshin Karate, issued a statement Wednesday indicating that rival dojo Falls Church Enshin Karate was in for a big surprise at regionals this year.
End Of Section
  • More News

Handmade Banner That Football Team Runs Through Before Game The Closest High School Comes To Supporting Arts

PINE BLUFF, AK—Featuring a consistent budget and students regularly encouraged to take part in its construction, a 6-foot-by-12-foot handmade banner that the Pine Bluff High School football team runs through before every game represents the closest thing the school comes to supporting the arts, sources confirmed Friday. The banner, which is held up by several cheerleaders before players tear it in half while sprinting onto the field, is reportedly the most routinely supported school-sponsored outlet for students interested in exploring the arts and expressing themselves creatively. Those familiar with the situation confirmed that an $85 weekly allocation for poster paper, colored markers, acrylic paint, and glitter glue consists of the most resources Pine Bluff pours into the visual arts, music, theater, creative writing, or dance, while the cheerleading coach’s supervision of the banner’s design accounts for the most time anyone employed by the district spends on cultivating the artistic talents of its students. The banner’s hand-drawn ram mascot and carefully lettered rallying cry of “Cage The Lions!” in reference to the team’s opponent is also said to have received the greatest amount of attention from administrators and the local community of any recent student-made artistic endeavor. At press time, sources confirmed that school officials ensuring the banner paper can be easily ripped is also the highest level of concern they ever show for the football players’ safety.

More Videos


More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.