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High School Bully Worried Victims Will Realize He Actually Retarded Faggot Himself

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No One In Gym Class Volleyball Game Willing To Set Ball

LITTLE ELM, TX—With neither team having completed more than two hits during a rally before sending the ball back over the net, sources confirmed Wednesday that no one in Jefferson High School’s third-period gym class was willing to set during a volleyball game.

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ASHBURN, VA—Local 15-year-old Clint Hrabik, a second kyū brown belt at Ashburn Enshin Karate, issued a statement Wednesday indicating that rival dojo Falls Church Enshin Karate was in for a big surprise at regionals this year.

No One In Limo Going To Prom With The One They Wanted

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High School Students Line Up For School Oil Portrait Day

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Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

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High School Bully Worried Victims Will Realize He Actually Retarded Faggot Himself

BYRON, IL—In a rare moment of candidness between verbally and physically abusing his peers, local bully Pete Pachego, 14, shared his concerns with reporters Wednesday that his victims might one day realize he was actually a retarded faggot himself. “I spend all day telling guys at school that they’re gaywads and queermos, so if they ever found out that I’m actually a stupid cockmuncher, I really don’t know what I’d do,” said Pachego, adding that he often found himself paralyzed with dread that someone would discover that he was simply projecting his own retardedness and love of dicklicking onto the smaller, more vulnerable kids in his class. “Deep down, I guess I realize I’m so mean and hurtful to others because I don’t know how else to deal with the fact that I’m the one who still shits my pants and that I’m easily the fruitiest little fudgepacker of them all. Imagine if everyone knew; it would be devastating.” Pachego then sighed and told reporters that he was certain at least some of his victims were beginning to suspect, rightly, that his dick looks like a Tic Tac.

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