Hillary Clinton Campaign Shuts Down After Blowing Through $2 Billion In First Month

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Hillary Clinton To Nation: ‘Do Not Fuck This Up For Me’

WASHINGTON—After several seconds spent sitting motionless and glaring directly into the camera, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton reportedly began Sunday’s video announcing her 2016 presidential bid by warning the nation not to fuck th...

Candidate Profile: Hillary Clinton

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is expected to officially announce her candidacy for the 2016 presidential election on Sunday, putting an end to months of speculation about her plans.

Clinton, Biden Trading Places?

Reporter Bob Woodward said that an exchange of positions between Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and Vice President Joe Biden is being considered by the White House.
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    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Hillary Clinton Campaign Shuts Down After Blowing Through $2 Billion In First Month

NEW YORK—Having grossly miscalculated the resources required for an 18-month presidential bid, Democratic frontrunner Hillary Clinton announced Tuesday she had ended her race for the White House after blowing through $2 billion of campaign funds in a single month. “Admittedly, my staff and I haven’t kept a close enough eye on our financials over the past few weeks, and certain of our expenditures, such as the 800,000-square-foot Hillary For America headquarters we broke ground on in Des Moines and those seven backup campaign buses, appear to have been poor decisions,” said Clinton, who faulted several crucial missteps, including the licensing of every song in the Fleetwood Mac catalogue for her campaign appearances and sending two pounds of direct-mail solicitations each day to every man, woman, and child in the nation. “While it seemed a winning strategy at first, buying up all the primetime commercial blocks on every network affiliate in all 50 states was probably ill-advised, as was hiring our 3,000-member campaign team in Puerto Rico, which does not have any electoral votes.” The former secretary of state went on to say she was confident the lessons she had learned from her mistakes this time around would only make her a stronger candidate in 2020.


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