A Timeline Of Halloween History

Rooted in multiple traditions and observed in countless ways, Halloween is a beloved celebration across much of the world. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution

Breaking: Adam Got A PS4 For Christmas

He Got ‘Battlefront’ Too

DANVILLE, CA—Saying that the 10-year-old was so freaking lucky, sources in Mrs. Burnett’s homeroom class confirmed Monday that local 5th-grader Adam Samuels got a PlayStation 4 for Christmas and Star Wars Battlefront, too.

Total Weirdo Spends Mother’s Day At Cemetery

ST. MARYS, OH—Apparently content to hang around dead people rather than celebrate like a normal person, area weirdo John Mills spent most of Mother’s Day at a local cemetery, creeped-out sources confirmed.

First Holiday Season Without Grandma Incredible

MARBLEHEAD, MA—Expressing appreciation for the more relaxed and cheerful atmosphere, members of the Shaw family confirmed Thursday that the first holiday season without grandmother Ethel Shaw had been absolutely incredible.

How To Navigate The Holidays Alone

While many people will be gathering with family and friends this holiday season to eat, drink, and be merry, others may not have anyone with whom to celebrate the festivities.
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Hottest Items Of The 2016 Holiday Shopping Season

Need some holiday shopping inspiration? Here are the top-selling gifts in 2016.

  • Starbucks Gift Card

    A perennial bestseller among obligated coworkers

  • Amazon Echo

    For the tech-minded homeowner looking to surrender control of their televisions, music playlists, email accounts, and credit card information to an omniscient black tube

  • Set Of Assorted ‘Blues Brothers’ Shot Glasses

    Perfectly combines brother-in-law’s two discernible interests

  • Smith & Wesson M&P Shield 9mm

    Affordable and reliable with low recoil, this model is a popular stocking stuffer for parents and kids alike

  • 8-oz. Ribeye Steaks

    Due to a computer system error at the Safeway on Franklin Avenue, these are on sale for half price through the end of the year

  • Tsum Tsums

    Look, they’re small fuzzy animals. You can’t fuck this up.

  • Membership To Milwaukee County Zoo

    If someone on your list lives in Milwaukee County and wants to see some kangaroos, this is definitely the only place they can do it

  • The Wrong One

    Millions of parents are expected to surprise children with The Wrong One on Christmas morning


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