Convention-Goer Removes Name Tag, Vanishes Back Into World Of Anonymous Hilton Orlando Guests

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The Pros And Cons Of Freelance Employment

In the post-recession landscape, many young people encounter a lack of salaried full-time positions available to them and opt instead for a series of freelance or contract assignments that provide short-term bursts of employment and compensation. Here are the pros and cons of taking on freelance employment

Department Of Labor Study Confirms Your Job Most Demanding

‘None Of Your Friends Understand How Hard It Is,’ Report Reads

WASHINGTON—Noting that the level of mental strain associated with the profession was far and away the highest recorded, a federal study on workplace conditions and occupational stress released Thursday has confirmed that your job is the most demanding career in the entire nation, and that none of your friends or family fully understand how hard it is.

Biden Offers Government Post To Elvira, Mistress Of The Dark

WASHINGTON—Calling the late-night horror film host well-suited for the job “and then some,” Vice President Joe Biden offered Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, an entry-level position within the U.S. Office of Personnel Management, White House sources confirmed Thursday.

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Pros And Cons Of Raising The Minimum Wage

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Departing Employee Not Quite Important Enough For Send-Off

ATLANTA—Noting the distinct lack of fanfare surrounding his departure last Friday, employees at Empire Marketing Solutions concluded that sales associate Brent Wheeler was not quite important enough to warrant a formal send-off on his last day of wo...

Employee Wishes He Had Enough Job Security To Voice Opinion

PHILADELPHIA—Saying he would never jeopardize what little standing he has within the company by making any waves, Crystalpoint Systems junior sales associate Josh Morris told reporters Wednesday that he doesn’t have enough job security to actu...

Report: America Still World Leader In Manufacturing Excuses

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—Revealing that Americans still excel in assembling all types of justifications, a report released Monday by researchers at Rutgers University confirmed that the United States remains the world’s unrivaled leader in manufactur...
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  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Convention-Goer Removes Name Tag, Vanishes Back Into World Of Anonymous Hilton Orlando Guests

ORLANDO, FL—Leaving no trace of his attendance at the industry conference, American Academy of Periodontology Annual Convention attendee Bill Hancock reportedly removed his name tag Thursday and instantly vanished back into the world of anonymous Hilton Orlando guests. Hancock, who only moments prior had been representing his Kenosha, WI–based oral and maxillofacial surgery group at a session titled “Enhancing Results With Periodontal-Orthodontic Therapy,” was said to be last seen headed toward the hotel’s lobby bar, at which point he peeled the adhesive sticker from his shirt pocket and dissolved into the faceless masses of business travelers and vacationing families. Reports indicate that numerous convention attendees were left wondering where Hancock could have gone, questioning whether he was still in the vicinity of the Orange Ballroom or if he had merely been an apparition conjured by their minds over the past four days of speaker luncheons and clinical technique showcases. Sources went on to confirm that the only evidence Hancock ever existed at all was a business card discovered in the convention’s raffle jar for a free lunch at Spencer’s For Steaks & Chops restaurant.