GAHANNA, OH—Talking about how fun it will be to “hang out like old times,” local 13-year-old Joey Watkins expressed excitement Thursday upon learning his older brother, who in the current job market has found no prospects for employment, has no choice but to move back home after college.
While a résumé can display your past work experiences, a cover letter is your chance to show prospective employers who you really are and what you bring to the table. Here are The Onion’s tips for writing a memorable cover letter:
- The cover letter is your opportunity to let prospective employers know what you are capable of, particularly in the event that they don’t hire you.
- Customize each cover letter you send, but double-check the details. Nothing’s more embarrassing than addressing a letter to Google when it should have gone directly in the garbage.
- Don’t repeat information that employers have already gleaned from your private social media accounts.
- Have a close friend read over the final product. If it doesn’t convince them to offer you a negotiable $45,000 plus benefits, go back to the drawing board.
- If you’re one of those rare candidates who has proficiency in Microsoft Word, then for God’s sake, mention it.
- Limit yourself to five consecutive uses of the word “please.”
- Before hitting send, check whether the company prefers footnotes or endnotes in cover letters, and if the latter, how they prefer the appendices organized.
- Overall, take this chance to show off the kind of dynamic, creative thinking that you’re highly capable of and will almost certainly never be called upon to use.