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The Onion’s Full Coverage Of Joe Biden’s 2016 DNC Speech

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joseph biden

Biden Offers Government Post To Elvira, Mistress Of The Dark

WASHINGTON—Calling the late-night horror film host well-suited for the job “and then some,” Vice President Joe Biden offered Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, an entry-level position within the U.S. Office of Personnel Management, White House sources confirmed Thursday.

Biden Tossed Out Of Car Passing By White House

WASHINGTON—At approximately 2 a.m. Thursday morning, White House sources confirmed that Vice President Joe Biden was forcibly pushed out the rear door of a moving 1980 Lincoln Town Car onto the curb outside 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Nude Biden Wakes Up On Cold Slab In D.C. Morgue

WASHINGTON—Disoriented and “freezing his goddamn nuts off,” a naked Vice President Joe Biden reportedly awoke Thursday morning on an autopsy table in the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner, White House sources confirmed. “Huh?...

Biden Has Guy Named Worm Sit In For Him At Cabinet Meeting

WASHINGTON—Claiming that he had “a major shitstorm” he had to deal with, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly had a guy named Worm sit in for him at a cabinet meeting Thursday, assuring senior officials in the administration that his budd...

Biden Investigated For Questionable Workers’ Comp Claim

WASHINGTON—Weeks after accepting a workers’ compensation settlement for a personal injury he purportedly sustained on the job, Vice President Joe Biden is under investigation for allegedly filing a fraudulent claim, sources confirmed Friday.

Biden Scores 800 Feet Of Copper Wire

WASHINGTON—Calling it a “major-ass haul” that would provide “some much-needed scratch,” Vice President Joe Biden reportedly scored over 800 feet of copper wire from a foreclosed home in the D.C.
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The Onion’s Full Coverage Of Joe Biden’s 2016 DNC Speech
The Onion’s Full Coverage Of Joe Biden’s 2016 DNC Speech
Biden Chokes Up While Describing Hardworking Americans Who Can Only Afford Shitty Ditch Weed
Biden Chokes Up While Describing Hardworking Americans Who Can Only Afford Shitty Ditch Weed
Biden Busted In DNC Parking Lot Selling Bootleg ‘I’m With Her’ T-Shirts
Biden Busted In DNC Parking Lot Selling Bootleg ‘I’m With Her’ T-Shirts
Biden Lines Up Sweet Summer Gig Installing Above-Ground Swimming Pools
Biden Lines Up Sweet Summer Gig Installing Above-Ground Swimming Pools
Biden Quietly Asks Obama To Pick Him Up Some Of Those Real Throwing Stars From Japan
Biden Quietly Asks Obama To Pick Him Up Some Of Those Real Throwing Stars From Japan
Biden Urges Paul Ryan To Check Out Nude Scene From ‘Porky’s’ On Phone
Biden Urges Paul Ryan To Check Out Nude Scene From ‘Porky’s’ On Phone
Biden Huddling With Closest Advisers On Whether To Spend 200 Bucks On Scorpions Tickets
Biden Huddling With Closest Advisers On Whether To Spend 200 Bucks On Scorpions Tickets
Biden Offers Government Post To Elvira, Mistress Of The Dark
Biden Offers Government Post To Elvira, Mistress Of The Dark
Biden Worries Legalized Weed In D.C. Will Cut Into His Business
Biden Worries Legalized Weed In D.C. Will Cut Into His Business
Biden Co-Presents Best New Starlet Award With Shyla Stylez At 2015 AVN Adult Movie Awards Show
Biden Co-Presents Best New Starlet Award With Shyla Stylez At 2015 AVN Adult Movie Awards Show
Biden’s Buffalo Wing Challenge Dinner Not Sitting Too Well
Biden’s Buffalo Wing Challenge Dinner Not Sitting Too Well
Biden Arrives Early To Set Up State Of The Union Fog Machine
Biden Arrives Early To Set Up State Of The Union Fog Machine
Biden Tossed Out Of Car Passing By White House
Biden Tossed Out Of Car Passing By White House
Biden Gets Grow Light Delivered To White House Under Fake Name
Biden Gets Grow Light Delivered To White House Under Fake Name
Biden Loses Control Of Butterfly Knife During Commencement Speech
Biden Loses Control Of Butterfly Knife During Commencement Speech
Frantic Biden Searching Dog Shelter For Bo Look-Alike
Frantic Biden Searching Dog Shelter For Bo Look-Alike
Biden Clenches Plastic Beer Cup In Teeth To Free Hands For Clapping
Biden Clenches Plastic Beer Cup In Teeth To Free Hands For Clapping
Biden Frantically Hitting Up Cabinet Members For Clean Piss
Biden Frantically Hitting Up Cabinet Members For Clean Piss
Nude Biden Wakes Up On Cold Slab In D.C. Morgue
Nude Biden Wakes Up On Cold Slab In D.C. Morgue
Biden Has Guy Named Worm Sit In For Him At Cabinet Meeting
Biden Has Guy Named Worm Sit In For Him At Cabinet Meeting
Joe Biden's All-Time Hottest Congressional Lays
Joe Biden's All-Time Hottest Congressional Lays
Biden Investigated For Questionable Workers’ Comp Claim
Biden Investigated For Questionable Workers’ Comp Claim
Joe Biden's 7 Techniques For Enlarging Your Member
Joe Biden's 7 Techniques For Enlarging Your Member
Panicked Biden Interrupts State Of The Union To Ask If Erections Can Ever Be Medical Emergency
Panicked Biden Interrupts State Of The Union To Ask If Erections Can Ever Be Medical Emergency
Biden Scores 800 Feet Of Copper Wire
Biden Scores 800 Feet Of Copper Wire

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