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The Onion’s Full Coverage Of Joe Biden’s 2016 DNC Speech

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Biden Offers Government Post To Elvira, Mistress Of The Dark

WASHINGTON—Calling the late-night horror film host well-suited for the job “and then some,” Vice President Joe Biden offered Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, an entry-level position within the U.S. Office of Personnel Management, White House sources confirmed Thursday.

Biden Tossed Out Of Car Passing By White House

WASHINGTON—At approximately 2 a.m. Thursday morning, White House sources confirmed that Vice President Joe Biden was forcibly pushed out the rear door of a moving 1980 Lincoln Town Car onto the curb outside 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Nude Biden Wakes Up On Cold Slab In D.C. Morgue

WASHINGTON—Disoriented and “freezing his goddamn nuts off,” a naked Vice President Joe Biden reportedly awoke Thursday morning on an autopsy table in the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner, White House sources confirmed. “Huh?...

Biden Has Guy Named Worm Sit In For Him At Cabinet Meeting

WASHINGTON—Claiming that he had “a major shitstorm” he had to deal with, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly had a guy named Worm sit in for him at a cabinet meeting Thursday, assuring senior officials in the administration that his budd...

Biden Investigated For Questionable Workers’ Comp Claim

WASHINGTON—Weeks after accepting a workers’ compensation settlement for a personal injury he purportedly sustained on the job, Vice President Joe Biden is under investigation for allegedly filing a fraudulent claim, sources confirmed Friday.

Biden Scores 800 Feet Of Copper Wire

WASHINGTON—Calling it a “major-ass haul” that would provide “some much-needed scratch,” Vice President Joe Biden reportedly scored over 800 feet of copper wire from a foreclosed home in the D.C.
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