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North Carolina Residents Terrified After Hearing State Passed New Law

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Resolute Congress Passes Second Amendment Again

WASHINGTON—Easily securing the requisite two-thirds majorities in the House and Senate, a resolute United States Congress responded to the ongoing national debate on gun rights Tuesday by passing the Second Amendment again.

The Pros And Cons Of Militarizing The Police

The ongoing clashes between residents of Ferguson, MO and heavily armed police forces—which are equipped with M16 rifles and armored vehicles—have drawn attention to the increasing militarization of police in the United States.

Colorado Legalizes Medicinal Fireworks

DENVER—Establishing Colorado as a pioneer in recognizing the therapeutic benefits of explosions, a new law passed Tuesday will allow state residents with a doctor’s prescription to acquire small quantities of medicinal fireworks.
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Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

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North Carolina Residents Terrified After Hearing State Passed New Law

RALEIGH, NC—Saying they didn’t even want to think about what the legislation might possibly authorize or prohibit, North Carolina residents expressed feelings of deep-seated terror Thursday after hearing their state had passed a new law. “Oh God, this can’t be good,” said Raleigh resident Jennifer Mathis, echoing the sentiment of overwhelming dismay felt by citizens across the state upon learning their legislature had passed a bill and their governor had subsequently signed it into law. “I read the words ‘North Carolina Passes Law’ and my heart just sank. And it looks like they approved it really quickly, too. Christ, this is horrifying.” Several reports indicate that after skimming the first line of an article, the residents of North Carolina had quickly shut down their computers and backed away in fear.

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