LAUREL, MD—Noting that the 81-year-old is still in relatively good health to this day, sources reported Monday that elderly man Jonathan Eckman, who has outlived his wife by eight years now, must not have loved her very much.
FARRAGUT, TN—Struggling to recall the last time they stifled even a small grievance they harbored toward the other, local married couple Angela and David Lochrie admitted to reporters Thursday they often long for the bygone days when they were just quietly resentful of one another.
BOULDER, CO—Following the completion of his lengthy divorce proceedings earlier this week, local man Brian Keller, 43, sorrowfully removed his now ex-wife’s administrator privileges from his home security system, sources confirmed Tuesday.
CHICAGO—Describing it as a common nightly ritual for tens of millions of Americans nationwide, a report published Thursday in The American Journal Of Sociology revealed that 84 percent of married individuals get out of bed and head to their second family’s home as soon as their spouse falls asleep.
EASTON, NJ—Refusing to allow the subtle objectification and belittlement to taint the story of how they first met, members of the Thurman family confirmed Friday that they were tuning out the hints of misogyny in their grandfather’s loving recollection of courting their grandmother.
WASHINGTON—Following decades of debate over the constitutional right to same-sex marriage, the U.S. Supreme Court today handed down a 5-4 ruling in favor of the most buck-wild, balls-to-the-wall gay pride parade this country has ever seen.
WASHINGTON—Following the Supreme Court’s landmark decision making same-sex marriage legal nationwide, sources confirmed Friday that only 47,000 social justice milestones need to be reached before the U.S. achieves full equality.
‘Rules Are Rules,’ Say Those With Deeply Ingrained Prejudices
WASHINGTON—Following the Supreme Court’s landmark ruling that bans on same-sex marriage were unconstitutional, the nation’s homophobic bigots reportedly conceded today that “rules are rules” and announced that they were going to pack it in.
CARLISLE, PA—Saying she was having a “wonderful time” as she danced and socialized with fellow guests Saturday night, wedding-goer Corinne Bauer was said to be blissfully unaware she had barely made the cut to receive an invitation.
WASHINGTON—Anxiously anticipating the Supreme Court’s decision on the issue, the nation was reportedly on edge Wednesday as it waited to see whether the court would legalize gay marriage now or in a few years.
GILBERT, AZ—Saying they couldn’t bear to see their boy upset, unhappy local couple Denise and Peter Gale resolved to stay together for the sake of one of their children, 7-year-old Daniel, sources reported Monday.
MONTCLAIR, NJ—Midway through an impassioned argument with his wife Friday morning, Sports Illustrated writer Peter King reportedly came to the realization that the fight was actually about his disappointment in the Oakland Raiders’ lack...
NASHVILLE, TN—Saying that a lot of brides don’t give enough thought to such an important detail and end up regretting it later, local wedding planner Maureen Crompton suggested that her client Ali Peterson consider replacing the unsightly groo...
CHICAGO—Saying that you could tell by the way they stared into each other’s eyes, friends and family of newlywed couple Patrick and Heather Vaughn told reporters Friday that the bride and groom look so deeply in debt.
The Supreme Court ruled this week that gay couples in Alabama will be allowed to marry in the months leading up to its ruling on the constitutionality of same-sex marriage, while other states continue to uphold bans.
MOBILE, AL—Saying the memories they made today would last the rest of their lives, gay couple Jeremy Newell and Aaron Mitchum of Mobile, AL confirmed Monday that they had always dreamed of getting married surrounded by hostility.
WASHINGTON—Reaffirming a deeply traditionalist definition of the institution of matrimony, Supreme Court justice Samuel Alito issued a statement Monday declaring that marriage can only strictly exist between a man and the tempestuous sea.
WASHINGTON—In an effort to advance what they have repeatedly stated is the key element of their agenda, the nation’s gay straw men marched on the nation’s capital Monday to advocate for the right to marry animals, sources confirmed.
SHARPSBURG, PA—In an effort to provide comfort and nourishing food to her spouse in her absence, local octogenarian Helen Griggs told reporters Wednesday that she has begun freezing home-cooked meals for her husband to enjoy while she’s passed...
DAYTON, OH—Growing increasingly discouraged while scrolling through the wedding website for college friends Kevin Fisher and Allison Scully, local 25-year-old Rob Hoffman expressed his frustration to reporters Thursday that all the cheapest items on...
COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—Discouraged that the process seems so simple for other couples, Doug and Linda Bergeron told reporters Thursday that they are growing increasingly frustrated after many months of trying unsuccessfully to sell a baby.
HYATTSVILLE, MD—Noting a generational shift in the way couples choose to build their lives together, the National Center for Health Statistics confirmed this week that a growing number of Americans are delaying marriage until one partner backs the o...
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