adBlockCheck

New Study Finds Humans Experience Greatest Feelings Of Joy When Pushing ‘Skip Ad’ Button

Top Headlines

mental health

How To Talk To Your Teen About Depression

Nearly one in five teens experiences depression, but parents can find it difficult to broach the subject. Here are The Onion’s tips for talking to your teen about depression:

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How To Meditate

The Onion breaks down the steps involved in clearing your mind and meditating effectively.

Teacher’s Lounge The Site Of 5 Separate Emotional Breakdowns Today

CONWAY, AR—Noting that the space hasn’t gone more than two consecutive periods without being filled by the sound of soft sobbing or a sharply uttered series of curse words, sources at Conway High School confirmed that the teacher’s lounge has been the site of five separate emotional breakdowns so far today.

Alignment Of 6,071 Completely Independent Variables Necessary For Man To Feel Okay

PHILADELPHIA—Listing off an extensive set of prerequisite conditions ranging from various aspects of his physical health to the volume of the ongoing construction project outside his apartment, local man Shane Lambert confirmed Thursday that 6,071 completely independent variables must be in perfect synchrony at any given moment for him to feel okay.

Tips For Conquering Phobias

Even the most rational, clear-thinking adults can have anxieties that interfere with their routine, and learning to manage them is key to living a life free from fear. Here are The Onion’s tips for conquering your phobias:

Man Honestly Thought Breakdown Would Be More Obvious To People

MAPLEWOOD, MN—Explaining that he had assumed the deterioration of his physical and psychological state would be readily apparent, 3M sales associate Mark Uhler told reporters Wednesday he honestly thought his ongoing breakdown would be more obvious to everyone around him.

Once-Loyal Enabler Betrays Man By Suggesting Therapy

ANN ARBOR, MI—After years of faithfully supporting every bad decision he made, a formerly dependable enabler of local man Ken Vatter reportedly betrayed him Thursday by casually suggesting he see a therapist about his problems.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Television

New Study Finds Humans Experience Greatest Feelings Of Joy When Pushing ‘Skip Ad’ Button

DURHAM, NC—According to a study published Monday by researchers at Duke University’s Center for Cognitive Neuroscience, humans experience the most intense feelings of happiness when pressing the “skip ad” button before watching a video on the internet. “After measuring test subjects’ endorphin and serotonin levels during a variety of pleasurable activities, we found that the largest spikes in joy were recorded when participants stopped an online advertisement and initiated the video they actually wanted to watch,” said the study’s lead author, Dr. Paul Alleslev, who noted that feelings of bliss began rising as the timer indicating how soon the button would appear counted down toward zero. “Also, using fMRI scans, we noticed that once the ‘skip ad’ box became visible, the pleasure centers of the brain lit up with a flurry of activity, as did the motor cortex, prompting subjects to click the button with extraordinary speed as soon as it appeared onscreen.” Alleslev added, however, that humans appeared to experience the most acute feelings of rage after they’d watched enough videos that the “skip ad” option was no longer available.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close