Tips For Handling Social Anxieties

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mental health

How To Talk To Your Teen About Depression

Nearly one in five teens experiences depression, but parents can find it difficult to broach the subject. Here are The Onion’s tips for talking to your teen about depression:

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How To Meditate

The Onion breaks down the steps involved in clearing your mind and meditating effectively.

Teacher’s Lounge The Site Of 5 Separate Emotional Breakdowns Today

CONWAY, AR—Noting that the space hasn’t gone more than two consecutive periods without being filled by the sound of soft sobbing or a sharply uttered series of curse words, sources at Conway High School confirmed that the teacher’s lounge has been the site of five separate emotional breakdowns so far today.

Alignment Of 6,071 Completely Independent Variables Necessary For Man To Feel Okay

PHILADELPHIA—Listing off an extensive set of prerequisite conditions ranging from various aspects of his physical health to the volume of the ongoing construction project outside his apartment, local man Shane Lambert confirmed Thursday that 6,071 completely independent variables must be in perfect synchrony at any given moment for him to feel okay.

Tips For Conquering Phobias

Even the most rational, clear-thinking adults can have anxieties that interfere with their routine, and learning to manage them is key to living a life free from fear. Here are The Onion’s tips for conquering your phobias:

Man Honestly Thought Breakdown Would Be More Obvious To People

MAPLEWOOD, MN—Explaining that he had assumed the deterioration of his physical and psychological state would be readily apparent, 3M sales associate Mark Uhler told reporters Wednesday he honestly thought his ongoing breakdown would be more obvious to everyone around him.
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Tips For Handling Social Anxieties

Millions of Americans find social settings uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing. The Onion provides some tips for dealing with social anxiety:

  • If you’re in a public place and find yourself feeling physically uncomfortable, check to make sure you’re not just sitting weird in your chair.
  • Instead of dwelling on every far-fetched way the situation could possibly go wrong, focus on the one or two ways you could conceivably make it out of this without exposing yourself as a bumbling fool.
  • Limit your alcohol intake in social situations, as you may need to commandeer a vehicle while fleeing.
  • Get out in front of the issue. Point out everyone else’s flaws before anyone has a chance to notice yours.
  • Challenge negative thoughts by reminding yourself that your life is not at stake during social events, just your ability to ever maintain a normal relationship with another human being.
  • Have you tried running? Running worked for Jeff.
  • Sometimes it’s useful to imagine your anxiety as a separate physical presence, such as an unrelenting swarming cloud of bugs or a fire that’s already searing the skin on your arms.
  • Above all, try not to dwell on the hundreds of millions of people out there—the majority of the planet, really—who are perfectly comfortable in their own skin.

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