Why Westerners Join ISIS

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U.S. Soothes Upset Netanyahu With Shipment Of Ballistic Missiles

WASHINGTON—Following Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s heated objections to the nuclear deal struck between the United States and Iran, American officials announced Tuesday that they were calming the upset head of government by treating him to a nice, big shipment of ballistic missiles.
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Why Westerners Join ISIS

With more than 150 Americans accused of attempting to fight alongside ISIS in Syria and countless young Europeans allegedly joining or supporting the terrorist group, many are left wondering what a population of extremists has to offer Westerners a world away. Here are some reasons these people might want to ally with ISIS:

  • Guaranteed job placement in fast-paced, high-growth field of applied bloodlust
  • Guy from message board seems like he knows eternal paradise when he sees it
  • Chance for adolescents to rebel against stringent anti-burning-people-alive upbringing
  • No more kowtowing to museum guards who tell you not to bulldoze ancient artifacts
  • Once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be part of the creative team behind massively successful viral video content
  • Khmer Rouge no longer taking applications
  • Overwhelming desire for the order, structure, and sense of purpose that stoning homosexuals to death provides
  • General dearth of heavy weaponry lying around U.S., Western Europe
  • Pretty easy way to become famous, all things considered