middle east

U.S. Soothes Upset Netanyahu With Shipment Of Ballistic Missiles

WASHINGTON—Following Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s heated objections to the nuclear deal struck between the United States and Iran, American officials announced Tuesday that they were calming the upset head of government by treating him to a nice, big shipment of ballistic missiles.

Tips For Achieving Peace In The Middle East

With the Israeli-Palestinian conflict escalating, sectarian violence boiling over in Iraq, and Syria mired in a civil war that’s now more than three years old, the Middle East continues to be plagued by bloodshed and unrest.

Understanding The Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

Tensions have quickly escalated in Gaza following the recent collapse of peace talks and the subsequent kidnappings and murders of Israeli and Palestinian teens, with Israeli citizens now threatened by daily rocket fire from Hamas while Gaza residents ...
End Of Section
  • More News

Why Westerners Join ISIS

With more than 150 Americans accused of attempting to fight alongside ISIS in Syria and countless young Europeans allegedly joining or supporting the terrorist group, many are left wondering what a population of extremists has to offer Westerners a world away. Here are some reasons these people might want to ally with ISIS:

  • Guaranteed job placement in fast-paced, high-growth field of applied bloodlust
  • Guy from message board seems like he knows eternal paradise when he sees it
  • Chance for adolescents to rebel against stringent anti-burning-people-alive upbringing
  • No more kowtowing to museum guards who tell you not to bulldoze ancient artifacts
  • Once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be part of the creative team behind massively successful viral video content
  • Khmer Rouge no longer taking applications
  • Overwhelming desire for the order, structure, and sense of purpose that stoning homosexuals to death provides
  • General dearth of heavy weaponry lying around U.S., Western Europe
  • Pretty easy way to become famous, all things considered


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close