Mitt Romney Still Thinking About Running For President In 2012

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Mitt Romney

Romney Makes Desperate, Last-Ditch Bid For Presidency

WASHINGTON—With hundreds of thousands of onlookers assembled on the National Mall to celebrate Monday's inauguration, defeated Republican candidate Mitt Romney reportedly rushed out onto the stage to make one last frantic bid for the presidency.

Romney Spends Day Tearfully Apologizing At Father's Grave

BRIGHTON, MI—Visitors to Brighton’s Fairview Cemetery confirmed that since early this morning, former Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has been kneeling at his father’s gravestone and tearfully apologizing to the late politi...

Obama, Romney Remain About Equally Powerful

WASHINGTON—Having won another four years in the White House, President Barack Obama will retain about the same amount of power as American multimillionaire Mitt Romney, leading political scientists confirmed today.

Romney Camp Retooling Campaign After Latest Setback

BOSTON—Calling it “a small bump in the road,” sources within Romney headquarters announced plans Wednesday to readjust their campaign strategy following their candidate’s loss of the 2012 presidential election to Barack Obama. ...

Romney Slowly Turning Into $100 Bill

TAMPA, FL—Campaign sources expressed concern today over Mitt Romney’s green complexion, papery skin, and slowly flattening body frame, prompting increased speculation that the Republican presidential candidate has been gradually transforming i...

Romney Stands Behind Ryan To Show Good Campaigning Stance

COLUMBUS, OH—In order to demonstrate proper campaign posture, Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney stood behind running mate Paul Ryan on Saturday and gently guided the younger man’s hips and elbows into an ideal speaking stance, source...

Update: More Romney Google Searches Revealed

Okay, See, This Exactly What Irritated Man Talking About | More Local News: — The Onion (@TheOnion) October 18, 2012 The Onion Book of Known Knowledge (in stores Oct. 23) presents its definitive entry: Christianity
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