adBlockCheck

How To Teach Your Children Money Management

Top Headlines

money

Budget Travel Tips

With the bloated cost of airfare and hotels, many people are looking to save on travel however they can. Here are The Onion’s tips for planning a memorable vacation without overspending.

Upcoming Changes To U.S. Currency

Secretary of the Treasury Jack Lew recently announced a series of significant changes to U.S. currency. Here are some of the more notable alterations on the horizon

Head Of IRS Has Personal Filing System To Keep Track Of Nation’s Tax Returns

Commissioner’s Office Cluttered With 100 Million Folders

WASHINGTON—Pointing out the towering stacks of manila folders cluttering his desk and stepping carefully around the millions of forms laid out on his office floor, Commissioner of the Internal Revenue Service John Koskinen showed reporters Thursday his own personal filing system for keeping track of everyone in the nation’s tax returns.

Grandmother Palms Grandson $10 Like She Fixing Boxing Match

NEW BEDFORD, MA—Waiting until her daughter and son-in-law were occupied getting drinks in the kitchen following a family dinner at her home Sunday, local grandmother Ellen Sullivan, 72, is said to have palmed her 11-year-old grandson Jason Tucci $10 like she was fixing a heavyweight boxing match.

Koch Brothers Get Each Other Same Election For Christmas

WICHITA, KS—Chuckling and shaking their heads as they described their annual family gift exchange to reporters, Koch Industries executives Charles and David Koch confirmed Wednesday they had unwittingly gotten each other the same election for Christmas this year.

Budget-Conscious Obamas Strongly Pushing Malia Toward UDC Community College

WASHINGTON—Repeatedly emphasizing the benefits of completing her core requirements at a fraction of the cost of a four-year school, President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama continued their efforts this week to persuade their 17-year-old daughter, Malia, to attend the University of the District of Columbia Community College.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

How To Teach Your Children Money Management

In an uncertain economy, it’s important to provide young people with the tools they’ll need to make prudent financial decisions. Here are The Onion’s tips for talking to your children about money management:

  • Provide your child invaluable real-world experience by paying them below the poverty level for their manual labor.
  • Require a PowerPoint presentation detailing projected quarterly profits before you agree to invest any of your capital in powdered lemonade mix.
  • Simulate the free market by having all of your children compete for a single allowance.
  • Demonstrate the importance of proper savings by repeatedly overdrawing your family’s checking account and suffering devastating ulcers as a result.
  • Get your child excited about personal finance! Make some fun fake currency out of colorful construction paper and have your child put it in a pretend high-interest CD that they can’t touch for five years!
  • It might seem like a lot of work now, but investing a little extra time will ensure you find the translation of Marx’s Das Kapital that’s right for your kids.
  • Make sure you’re very clear with your college-bound teen about the long-term risks of accumulating credit card debt, as they’ll have to weigh your warnings against the benefits of Capital One T-shirts and Frisbees.
  • Personal accountability is key. Remind your child that although you pay their bills now, they won’t be 33 forever.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close