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What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns

Donald Trump’s aides have confirmed that the Republican presidential nominee will not release his tax returns despite numerous public calls for him to honor the expectation of transparency for presidential hopefuls. Here are some of the potentially damning contents that Trump prefers not to release to the public

Financially Struggling Trump Campaign Holds Fundraising Riot

NEWARK, NJ—Having raised only $3.1 million last month despite clinching the Republican nomination and with just $1.3 million on hand, Donald Trump’s presidential campaign sought a much-needed injection of cash Wednesday by holding a fundraising riot in Newark, sources confirmed.

The Pros And Cons Of For-Profit Colleges

With studies showing that for-profit college degrees create more debt and no more added value for students, many are questioning the merits of these institutions. Here are the pros and cons of for-profit colleges

Budget Travel Tips

With the bloated cost of airfare and hotels, many people are looking to save on travel however they can. Here are The Onion’s tips for planning a memorable vacation without overspending.

Upcoming Changes To U.S. Currency

Secretary of the Treasury Jack Lew recently announced a series of significant changes to U.S. currency. Here are some of the more notable alterations on the horizon

Head Of IRS Has Personal Filing System To Keep Track Of Nation’s Tax Returns

Commissioner’s Office Cluttered With 100 Million Folders

WASHINGTON—Pointing out the towering stacks of manila folders cluttering his desk and stepping carefully around the millions of forms laid out on his office floor, Commissioner of the Internal Revenue Service John Koskinen showed reporters Thursday his own personal filing system for keeping track of everyone in the nation’s tax returns.
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Collection Agency Holding Nation As Collateral Until Trump Pays Off Business Debts

NEW YORK—In response to his repeated failure to reimburse creditors for hundreds of millions of dollars in loans, sources confirmed Thursday that a collection agency is holding the nation as collateral until President Donald Trump pays off his business debts. “We will retain full possession of all 50 states as security for the more than $2 billion the president owes,” a spokesman for Parsons Credit Services said, adding that the company was holding the entire Pacific Northwest as a guarantee against the $364 million in transferred loans the commander-in-chief had borrowed from Deutsche Bank alone. “Due to the significant scope of the president’s debts, as well as the lengthy amount of time he has been delinquent—decades, in some cases—we have no choice but to hold the entire expanse of the United States until his obligations are paid in full. And if President Trump’s late fees and interest continue to accumulate, we’ll require additional collateral in the form of Puerto Rico, Guam, and American Samoa.” The collection agency also emphasized that if Trump did not completely satisfy his debts within the next 180 days, it was prepared to repossess the nation and have it sold off at auction.

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Budget Travel Tips

With the bloated cost of airfare and hotels, many people are looking to save on travel however they can. Here are The Onion’s tips for planning a memorable vacation without overspending.

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