Fan Has List Of Dream Marketers He’d Love To See Handle Next Spider-Man Film

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How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better reflect the diverse backgrounds and experiences of their audience, Disney officials this week introduced Lily of Hazelberry, the company’s first virgin princess.

Director Seeking Relatively Unknown Actress For Next Affair

LOS ANGELES—Saying that he’s going for a certain look and will know it when he sees it, feature film director Peter Hastings, 52, confirmed to reporters Wednesday that he hopes to find a relatively unknown actress for his next extramarital affair.
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  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

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Fan Has List Of Dream Marketers He’d Love To See Handle Next Spider-Man Film

ROSWELL, GA—Expressing his desire for a high-caliber talent with the creative vision to do justice to the film’s promotion, local man Jeff Crews told reporters Friday he has a list of dream marketers he’d love to see handle the next Spider-Man movie. “I’d see anything with James H. Martin; he’s an absolutely perfect choice for helming promotional events and the Spider-Man–McDonald’s tie-in,” said Crews, who offered the names of several highly acclaimed marketers who he believes have the imagination and brilliance necessary to breathe life into the superhero franchise’s branding. “This is purely a fantasy, but Christopher Sanford would do such an amazing job with the film’s social media strategy. And I’d be equally excited about a young gun like Stephen Edwards who has such innovative ideas—plus, you know he’ll come up with some crazy twists and turns in the Spider-Man advertising campaign. Though if you want the best in the biz, you gotta go with Walter Bennett from PPC Enterprises. Nobody is better at reaching target audiences.” At press time, Crews expressed disappointment after learning that his all-time favorite marketer had signed on to promote Deadpool.