adBlockCheck

movies

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: This Movie Old Enough That They Might Have Actually Hurt Dog

GARDNER, MA—Realizing the movie was probably made years before any sort of mandatory industry oversight, nervous viewers watching a Turner Classic Movies airing of ‘Home On The Range’ Sunday night told reporters that the classic western was old enough that the filmmakers might have actually hurt the dog that starred in the motion picture.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.
End Of Section
  • More News

Report: Holy Shit, There Still 50 Minutes Left In Movie

EDGEMONT, PA—Expressing shock that the film he was watching somehow did not yet seem to be reaching its conclusion, area man Tyler Smith, 33, reported Tuesday that, holy shit, there are somehow still 50 minutes left in the movie. “This thing has been going on forever—how could there still be almost an hour left?” said Smith, who had expected the film to be 10 or 15 minutes from finishing when he checked his watch, instead finding that, Jesus Christ, the thing was barely halfway done. “I thought for sure it was wrapping up after that last scene, but we’re not even close. What can even happen for another 50 minutes? Why don’t they just, like, stop right now?” At press time, the movie had finally concluded, and a visibly moved Smith told reporters that, fucking hell, he just wanted to cry.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close
settings