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North Korea

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Nuclear Warhead Thrilled For Chance To Finally Escape North Korea

PYONGYANG—Saying its spirits were immediately buoyed upon hearing Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un’s recent statement that the military was close to developing an intercontinental ballistic missile, a North Korean nuclear warhead reported Tuesday that it was thrilled for the chance to finally escape the country.

World Surrenders To North Korea

PYONGYANG—Following reports earlier this morning that the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea successfully conducted its third nuclear test, sources confirmed that every nation on the planet has surrendered to the mighty East Asian dictators...

Kim Jong-Un's Wife Escapes North Korea In Long-Range Missile

PYONGYANG—Following North Korea’s sudden and controversial launch of a long-range rocket Wednesday morning, reports have confirmed that Ri Sol-ju, the wife of leader Kim Jong-un, successfully jumped inside the missile just in time to escape the com...
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A Timeline Of U.S.–North Korean Relations

As tensions mount between North Korea and American allies, The Onion looks back at key moments in the relationship between the U.S. and North Korea.

  • 1948

    God decides to come to Earth in the form of 36-year-old Korean man Kim Il-sung

  • 1950

    The outbreak of the Korean War marks the high point of U.S.–North Korean relations

  • 1973

    Henry Blake’s plane is shot down, sending Hawkeye and the 4077th into drunken despair

  • June 1994

    Kim Il-sung meets with one-term U.S. Supreme Leader Jimmy Carter

  • July 1994

    After considering a record number of talented sons, Kim Il-sung ultimately designates Kim Jong-il as his successor

  • 1996

    Three million patriotic North Koreans agree to starve to death for the good of their country

  • 2003

    North Korea withdraws from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, indicating that the country has developed the capabilities to lie

  • 2008

    George W. Bush removes North Korea from the State Sponsors of Terrorism list after officials agree to focus solely on acts of domestic terror

  • 2013

    Dennis Rodman severely botches assassination attempt of top North Korean officials

  • 2016

    North Korean missile successfully takes out U.S. allied mackerel in Sea of Japan

  • November 2016

    After years of watching North Korea with jealousy, the U.S. electorate decide to try out an erratic strongman with nuclear capabilities for themselves

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