Office Manager Unveils New Rule

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Grievances Brought Up With Powerless Supervisor

GRAND RAPIDS, MI—Fed up with an increasing workload and problems with his coworkers at CLG Software, project coordinator William Garsten reportedly took a list of grievances Wednesday to supervisor Todd Watkins, a middle manager utterly powerless to...

Area Man Beginning To Think He Has Memorial Day Off

BOSTON—Hours after arriving at an empty office this morning, local man and R&G Insurance Guaranty sales associate Joel Wyner told reporters that he’s beginning to suspect his employer may have given his staff the day off for Memorial Day.

Gunman Thought Coworkers Would Be Back From Lunch By Now

NEW YORK—"Huh, I wonder where everyone is," said the emotionally disturbed publishing professional, bringing the high-powered assault weapon down from eye-level and slowly snapping the safety back on. "Definitely thought they'd be back from that sandwich place by now."

Businessman Takes Power Bath

ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS, NJ—Citing a need to compete in today's "cutthroat" business environment, PricewaterhouseCoopers CEO Samuel DiPiazza has made...

Summer Intern Already Forgotten

BOSTON—Even the receptionist, with whom Dan Klein once had an extended conversation about the importance of family, had no recollection of him ever having entered the office.

Sports Fan Thinks He May Have Torn Rotator Cuff

BOSTON—Although the most strenuous thing he does in any given week is reload his office printer's paper tray, Red Sox fan Sean Mooney, 41, said he believes he may have torn his rotator cuff. "Ooh, I'm gonna have to ice this tonight," said Mooney, rubbing the muscle he pulled while removing a Massachusetts tax-code reference book from his shelf. "Now I know how [Red Sox pitcher] Wade Miller felt." Doctors said Mooney's condition is probably soreness resulting from a lack of regular exercise.

Unlock Your Employees' Profit Potential With An Improv-Comedy Workshop!

What's your company's most important asset? The computers? Sure, you need those. The telephones? The office chairs? You need those, too. But your company has something a whole lot more important than any of these things. Your company's most important asset is your staff. You probably spend a lot of money updating your software, but how much money do you spend improving staff morale? Hi, I'm Matt Litton, and I'd like to tell you how a visit from my improv troupe One Dozen Eggs could be the key to unlocking your company's profit potential.
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Office Manager Unveils New Rule

WARREN, MI—Stipulating that the regulation would take effect immediately, Summit Industries office manager Angela Werner reportedly unveiled a new rule Tuesday in a company-wide email. “I just wanted to give everyone a heads-up that employees are no longer allowed to print color copies of documents,” read the email from Werner, who also promulgated her new decree by taping a piece of paper bearing the restriction on the wall near the office printer. “The toner cartridges aren’t cheap and they get used up too quickly. So from this point forward, please print in black and white. Thanks.” At press time, Werner was reportedly composing a new statute after finding out that the printer’s paper tray had not been refilled.


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