Highly Anticipated Launches At SXSW Interactive

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New Social Networking Site Changing The Way Oh, Christ, Forget It

Let Someone Else Report On This Bullshit

NEW YORK—While millions of young, tech-savvy professionals already use services like Facebook and Twitter to keep in constant touch with friends, a new social networking platform called Foursquare has recently taken the oh, fucking hell, can't some other desperate news outlet cover this crap instead?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Area Man

This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

Preparedness

Ice Cream Truck Driver Going To Let These Kids Sweat A Little Bit Before Stopping

MILWAUKEE—Admitting that he’ll never get tired of looking in his rearview mirror and seeing their little legs going at full speed as they struggle to catch up to him, local ice cream truck driver Derek Kenney said that he once again planned on making the children on Maple Avenue sweat it out a little bit before stopping his vehicle.

Highly Anticipated Launches At SXSW Interactive

Every year at South by Southwest, companies roll out their latest interactive media. Here's what to look for this year:

  • YouTube: All-new site design features a small clock in the upper left corner that keeps track of the cumulative amount of your life you've wasted
  • Wikimedia: New WikiBible will allow anyone to add to, or edit, this open-source holy book
  • The Social Network: Launch of actor Jesse Eisenberg's controversial SocialNetwork social networking site
  • Video Professor: New CD-ROM to help you get started on Chatroulette
  • eHarmony: In addition to showing people their most compatible matches, the online dating site will now display each member's last-resort match
  • Apple: New version of iTunes will take the songs you haven't listened to in a while and sell them to someone else
  • MySpace: Six awesome new background layouts!
  • Yakagami: Someone's trying to make that virtual pet thing happen again