Citing Battle Of Agincourt, Tim Duncan Urges Lakers Not To Get Too Discouraged By Game 1 Loss

Top Headlines


Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy

NORMAL, IL—Despite possessing a fully developed brain and a general awareness of the fundamental nature of existence, sources said Rob Peterson, 37, apparently continues to believe that achieving long-lasting happiness is somehow possible.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage


College Freshman Decides To Be Lanyard-Wearing Kind

ANN ARBOR, MI—Emphasizing that this was not a choice he had made lightly, University of Michigan student Kevin Peterson told reporters Thursday that he had officially decided to become one of the lanyard-wearing kind of freshmen.


  • ‘Our Town’ Cast Party Going Off The Rails

    PEEKSKILL, NY—Describing a wild scene in which performers and stagehands were loudly conversing, laughing, and occasionally breaking back into their characters from the play, sources confirmed Sunday night that the cast party for the local production of Our Town is currently going off the rails.

Citing Battle Of Agincourt, Tim Duncan Urges Lakers Not To Get Too Discouraged By Game 1 Loss

SAN ANTONIO—Following the Lakers’ 91-79 loss in Game 1 of their playoff series, Spurs power forward Tim Duncan reportedly urged his opponents Tuesday not to be discouraged, reminding them of England’s underdog victory against the French during the Battle of Agincourt in 1415. “Remember, the English were outnumbered 6 to 1, so they had the odds stacked against them, too,” said Duncan, noting that the Lakers should remain focused and positive, “much like the English knights bravely marching into Pas-de-Calais amidst a bloody Hundred Years’ War.” “If Henry V taught us anything that day, it’s that an organized, cohesive unit can turn around any so-called lost cause, so keep your heads up. Sometimes you simply need to find an innovative new approach, as the King did setting his longbowmen on the flanks of the defile to attack Charles d’Albert’s oncoming cavalry.” Duncan added that while the Lakers should take heart from England’s unexpected military triumph, they should also always honor the memory of the estimated 10,000 soldiers from both sides who gave their lives during the 15th-century battle.

UPDATE: Duncan reportedly just called Lakers head coach Mike D’Antoni to offer inspirational quotes from famed king and military leader Frederick II of Prussia.