The Onion's Finest Photojournalism Of 2012

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Our Annual Year 2012

The Onion's Other Top Newsmakers Of 2012

Greg Ogletree: The Man Inside The Mars Rover NASA employee Greg Ogletree, the man seated inside the Mars rover Curiosity, inspired the nation this year when he successfully touched down on the Red Planet and began driving the vehicle across its surface. ...

Intern Just Happens To Be Beautiful 22-Year-Old Woman

NEW YORK—In a turn of events sources described as “completely coincidental in every way,” the new intern at the consulting firm Marcus, McMahon, and Grieg, in addition to being the most qualified candidate for the position, also just hap...

God Distances Self From Christian Right

THE HEAVENS—Responding to inflammatory remarks made by Republican Senate candidate Richard Mourdock during a debate Tuesday night, Our Lord God the Almighty Father today sought to distance Himself from both Mourdock and the entire right-wing fu...

Obama Takes Out Romney With Mid-Debate Drone Attack

BOCA RATON, FL—Saying that the high-value target represented a major threat to their most vital objectives, Obama administration officials confirmed tonight that former governor Mitt Romney was killed by a predator drone while attending a presidenti...

Biden Implores Obama To 'Rub One Out' Before Debate

'Don't Want Pussy On The Mind Out There,' Reports Vice President

DENVER—Noting that tonight’s debate against Mitt Romney would last a full hour and a half, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly urged President Obama to “rub one out” so that he could “get pussy off the mind” before taki...
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