Fetus Going To Pretend He Doesn’t Hear Loud Argument Coming From Other Side Of Uterine Wall

In This Section

parents

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Originality

  • Restaurant Gives Totally Unwanted Twist To Mexican Cuisine

    BERKELEY, CA—Claiming that the eatery was already generating a buzz among locals with its “East Meets Mex” flavors, owners of the Bento Burrito location on Shattuck Avenue explained to reporters Tuesday how their new restaurant offers a ...

Fetus Going To Pretend He Doesn’t Hear Loud Argument Coming From Other Side Of Uterine Wall

WICHITA, KS—Searching for something to take his attention off the uncomfortable domestic dispute occurring just a few feet away, a local 6-month-old fetus reportedly decided Monday to pretend he couldn’t hear the loud argument coming from the other side of the uterine wall. “God, they’re starting in even earlier than normal tonight; I guess I’ll just try to tune it out like usual,” said the 27-week-old, adding that the nearby couple, who he noted are “clearly working through some serious issues,” tend to noisily bicker until well past midnight. “I’m just going to focus on listening to my mom’s heartbeat for a while and try to keep my mind off all the shouting by clenching and unclenching my hands a bit. But if they haven’t settled down in a half hour or so, I might have to start pounding on the wall.” The second-trimester fetus added that, given how often he’s heard the couple’s heated arguments, it would definitely be awkward if he ever meets them.


Jump to next story

Onion Video

Watch More