Good News Kept From Parents Out Of Fear Of Proving Them Right

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Parents Worried Children Old Enough To Remember Family Vacation

YOUNGSTOWN, OH—Fearing that their kids’ impressions of the experience could quite possibly remain with them for the rest of their lives, parents Joel and Bethany Weyandt told reporters Tuesday they are worried their children are old enough to remember the details of their recent family vacation.

Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

Baby-Naming Tips For New Moms

Mothershould’s Grace Manning-Devlin breaks down some of the hottest baby names of the year, such as Cooper, Tanner, Milkman, and Serf.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fatherhood

  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Area Man

This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

Good News Kept From Parents Out Of Fear Of Proving Them Right

DANBURY, CT—Saying she wants no part of the conversation that would inevitably result if she broke the good news, local medical billing technician Jenny Comers reported Friday that she’s keeping word of her recent pay raise from her parents out of fear of proving them right. “If I tell them about the raise, they’ll immediately attribute it to the advice they gave a while back about how being assertive and clearly stating what you want yields positive results—there’s no way I’m giving them that satisfaction,” said Comers, who earlier this week requested a one-on-one meeting with her supervisor, directly asked for a pay increase, and within a matter of minutes received a bump in her salary, a course of action she had previously dismissed as futile and “completely ridiculous” when it was proposed by her mother and father during a phone call three weeks earlier. “I’m definitely going to wait a few months before I mention it to them so it eliminates any immediate cause and effect in their minds. And when I eventually do tell them about the raise, I’ll make sure to say it was part of my annual review or something so it doesn’t sound like I just asked for one and got it, exactly like they said I would. I don’t want them getting big heads about this.” At press time, Comers was telling her parents how confronting her roommate on her bad habits had only made life in the apartment worse solely so she could relish proving them wrong.