First Kid To Wake Up At Slumber Party Gets Exclusive Look At Friend’s Mom’s Morning Routine

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Report: 43% Of Party Invitations Unprovoked

TUCSON, AZ—Claiming that millions of unsuspecting recipients are caught off-guard each year, a report released Tuesday by researchers at the University of Arizona found that 43 percent of all party invitations are entirely unprovoked.

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Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

First Kid To Wake Up At Slumber Party Gets Exclusive Look At Friend’s Mom’s Morning Routine

KATONAH, NY—Catching sight of a bathrobe-clad figure tiptoeing around the kitchen as he awoke on the nearby living room floor, early-rising slumber party guest Caleb Robbins, 9, confirmed Sunday that he had been granted an exclusive look at his friend Noah’s mom’s morning routine. “First, she turned on the coffee machine, and then she went over to the door and let the dog out into the backyard,” said Robbins, who noted that from his vantage point lying horizontally in his sleeping bag, he was able to discern that the woman’s 6:30 a.m. ritual also included looking out the window at the birds for several minutes, slowly sipping her coffee, and letting the dog back in. “After that, she turned the radio on really soft and sat at the table looking at the newspaper. And she filled the dog’s water bowl, too.” Roughly a dozen minutes after he first woke up, sources reported that Robbins quickly shut his eyes and pretended to be asleep as the woman’s morning routine had shifted from straightening up the kitchen to doing her posture exercises.

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