Party Guest Hoping Birthday Card With Shirtless Hunk Taken In Playful Spirit With Which It Was Intended

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Report: 43% Of Party Invitations Unprovoked

TUCSON, AZ—Claiming that millions of unsuspecting recipients are caught off-guard each year, a report released Tuesday by researchers at the University of Arizona found that 43 percent of all party invitations are entirely unprovoked.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Party Guest Hoping Birthday Card With Shirtless Hunk Taken In Playful Spirit With Which It Was Intended

ALBANY, NY—Second-guessing the purchase as she arrived at her friend’s birthday party Friday, area woman Kelly Hardin told reporters she hoped her humorous card featuring a shirtless hunk would be received by Amanda Riordan in the fun, lighthearted spirit with which it was intended. “The image is a bit risqué, what with the man showing off his bare abs and all, so hopefully she’ll understand the suggestive nature of the card was meant as a joke and its sole purpose was to amuse,” said Hardin, adding that, by presenting the image of a tanned, muscular stud wearing nothing but tight jeans and a cowboy hat and wishing the recipient a “very sexy birthday,” she in no way sought to imply that Riordan was presently in need of sexual gratification or excessively libidinous in nature. “She probably won’t be offended and will instead see the ridiculous photo of this buff, hunky guy and just laugh, or at least smile. Of course, even if she isn’t insulted outright, she may question whether it was a tasteful way for me to convey my birthday wishes. I’d really hate for something like this to cause damage to our friendship.” At press time, Hardin could be seen apologizing profusely to Riordan for having made such a serious and inappropriate transgression.


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